Proverbs 21: Motives

Proverbs 21: Motives

Seeing the fruit of years of my selfish, disrespectful attitude towards my husband was a quick study in realizing I couldn't always control or plan the outcome. My motives weren't destructive; I thought everything I'd said and been doing as a wife, controlling our finances, leading our family, having (what I know now to be unreasonably) high expectations of my husband was for the good or our marriage, so we could achieve the things we wanted in life. Unfortunately, without God's truth and understanding, and with all my plotting, planning, and attempting to orchestrate outcomes, I was foolishly destroying everything.

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Proverbs 19: If You Quit Listening

Proverbs 19: If You Quit Listening

When I invited Jesus to be Lord of my life, life got so much more difficult. Because I was learning the truth and choosing to follow Jesus, I couldn't quit when life got chaotic. My marriage seemed particularly hopeless, and so many days I wondered if standing for my marriage while my husband was living with his girlfriend was worth it. Some days I wanted to quit, especially when those days weren't going according to my plan.

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Proverbs 17: Wise & Calm

Proverbs 17: Wise & Calm

Separation. Divorce. Serious illness. Job loss. Death. A prodigal. There are many situations in life that feel chaotic and out of control. In my life, as I was in the swirling storm of the crashing of my marriage, I realized I couldn't talk my way out of the situation. Instead, I had to be still, seeking wisdom and understanding. As I was walking with God, locking my eyes on Him in the midst of the storm surrounding me, seeking understanding, the chaos lost its power. His peace covered me.

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Proverbs 15: Response to Anger

Proverbs 15: Response to Anger

Ironically, as my husband was pursuing what he said he wanted, living a 'free' life with his girlfriend, he became angrier and angrier. He would call me to ask a question and turn it into an argument, laced with anger and accusations. Once upon a time, I would have responded in kind, with the discussions escalating quickly into heated arguments. But as I walked through the Proverbs, reading one a day, I stopped. I chose to see the source of his words and anger, and chose to respond gently and kindly; that decision changed everything.

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Proverbs 14: Weigh Every Word

Proverbs 14: Weigh Every Word

Yesterday I shared the jarring comments of a counselor, when God opened my eyes to how I had been mothering my husband. Although not kinds words, they were what God used to send me into His arms and Word, where I learned I had been destroying my husband and marriage with my words, tearing down my house with my own hands.

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Proverbs 13: Walk with the Wise

Proverbs 13: Walk with the Wise

When confronted with the knowledge of my husband's affair, I sought wise counsel. I poured my heart out to a Catholic counselor, explaining how heartbroken I was, sharing how I'd gotten to this desperate place of betrayal. She was fairly silent as I told our story. I remember one thing she told me that day... You’re not being his wife, you’re being his mother. No wonder he’s having an affair.

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Proverbs 12: The Wise Take Advice

Proverbs 12: The Wise Take Advice

Everyone has an opinion, and plenty of people around you have advice, usually unsolicited. What do you do with it all? Back when friends and family were learning of my husband's adultery, I got lots of advice. Most of it was for me to 'kick him to the curb' because he was a _________ (fill in the blank!). So I did a couple of things- I asked people not to talk about Scott that way, because I didn't want any bad seeds sown (after all, words frame our worlds!), and I pursued Jesus.

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Proverbs 8: Listen to Wisdom

Proverbs 8: Listen to Wisdom

When I learned of Scott's affair, I had decisions to make...and I could make them using the immediate information I'd just received and the feelings associated with it, or I could pray and get wisdom. It is so easy to make quick, rash decisions in the heat of the moment, especially in the midst of emotional situations, letting feelings make decisions. Instead, with the guidance of good, godly friends, I sought understanding and wisdom, seeking to know how we got in this situation. What path did we take in our almost thirteen years of marriage to arrive at this place, with my husband in a long term affair?

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Proverbs 6: Dangers of being Foolish

Proverbs 6: Dangers of being Foolish

When I was walking through Proverbs in 2004, I asked God to show me my husband through His eyes, and He showed me a foolish boy who had gotten into such a mess and didn't know how to come out of it like a man. Like in Proverbs 6:26-27, he was carrying hot coals close to his chest, walking through them, burning himself and didn't know how to stop.

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Proverbs 5: Warning About Adultery

Proverbs 5: Warning About Adultery

I confess, reading Proverbs 5 was tough eleven years ago, when my husband was entangled in adultery. It slowly became less painful when I chose to pray it into my husband, Scott's, life, calling forth things that were not as though they were. Then, and now, I also see the adulterous woman representing the enemy, luring us away from what God wants for our lives. He wants us to stay far from sin and temptations, and faithful to Him. What if you read Proverbs 5, replacing "adulterous woman" with "Satan"?

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Proverbs 4: Get Understanding

Proverbs 4: Get Understanding

It was in July 2004 that I learned my husband was having an affair and confronted him outside of his girlfriend's apartment. The reality of it all seemed overwhelming, like I was falling down the rabbit hole in the book Alice in Wonderland to some unreal place my life had become. I realized everything I *thought* I understood to be true was eroding.

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Proverbs 3: Trust

Proverbs 3: Trust

Is godliness practical? Often we hear people talking about wanting to be Christlike for heaven's sake- they've got their eyes on eternal life. But Jesus died for more than heaven! He died that we might live powerfully in the here and now, reaping rewards of a life lived for Christ in our relationships with those around us. Each day on earth is distinctly worth living. 

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