Sleep had finally come after hours of wrestling with the fear of circumstances and finances. Dawn had not yet broken, but the silence was pierced by her text.
There was another woman. Again.
I could hardly breathe for the pain. The horror pressed down on my soul as I grasped for words. The feelings and memories of my own despair haunted me. I wanted desperately to whisper "everything is going to be alright," but the words wouldn't come.
The truth was, everything was not alright.
I sat in the silence of darkness, tears flowing, crying out to God over all that was wrong in my friend's life. In my life. In our children's lives. In the lives of the thousands of others that have walked this path. In the moment, all I could do was pray. In the darkness, all I could do was give it to God.
Slowly the moments passed to days and my prayers increased in desperation. The situation began to cast doubt on my stand and that truth hurt. I wanted to trust God. I NEEDED to trust God. But it hurt.
Confident that this was an issue of faith, I began to pray over my faith verses and claim the truth that God is trustworthy and keeps His promises. But nothing changed. The tears kept coming and I became overwhelmed with grief. I pleaded on her behalf and mine. I begged God to help me understand.
But the truth is, sometimes life just hurts. Sometimes daddies leave their babies and sometimes promises are broken. Sometimes life just isn't alright.
Oh, how we want to believe that God would never allow this, but it simply isn't so. To imply that God doesn't allow pain, is to imply that He isn't truly sovereign There is pain and He is still in control. It's a truth that our feeble minds will never understand on this earth. A truth that leaves us on our knees clinging to the ONE who never breaks promises.
Friend, it might not feel alright for you right now. But that's ok. It's ok to hurt. It's ok to cry out for mercy. I pray that you will find rest in Him knowing that He sees your pain and He holds every tear in His hands. Cling to the truth of who HE is, because in Him, through Him, and by Him...all things are made right.
No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. Romans 4:20-21
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