While cleaning my room the other night, I came across a card Kris had given me last year, on Valentine's Day. The card tore at my heart, but also left me feeling so blessed to have weathered that initial storm. Valentine's Day 2012 fell between the night Kris found out about my seven year affair and the night that I came home.
He gave me the card the day before I left home, and at the time, I can remember the contempt and bitterness I felt towards him and our marriage. How dare he try to be loving and act as if he would love me through ANYTHING! After everything we had put each other through, I couldn't understand why that card should matter. So I shoved it underneath a pile of things on my nightstand, and until the other night, never looked at it again. I had forgotten about it actually. The week between February 11th and February 19th are a blur to me, and I remember nothing good until the night I went home for good.
Finding the card that night was a shock to me. I didn't even remember it, but as soon as I read it, I recalled everything I had felt when he gave it to me. I felt like it was his shabby attempt to prove something to me. To prove that we could move beyond his pornography addiction and my unfaithfulness. To prove that he was a changed man. At the time, I didn't believe a word of it. I was convinced he would always choose pornography and that somewhere down the line, I would stray again. I didn't believe that either one of us had any hope of escaping the bondage we were each in. I didn't even get Kris a gift or card that year.
Even though Valentine's Day marks the anniversary of when we began dating, last year was the first year that I didn't even try to care. In years past, I pretended to celebrate along with him, that we had made it another year and that we were happy. But in my heart, I was not happy and usually spent that time thinking about the other man in my life, wishing I was spending that "Lover's Holiday" with him instead of my own husband.
Now, looking back, I can't believe the words in the card. Both already printed and those that my husband penned. By Valentine's Day, as I mentioned already, Kris knew the truth. He knew what I had done, the person I had been. The card itself said the following:
"I will stay by your side forever and always.
Happy Valentine's Day, my true and only love."
WOW! Come back tomorrow to read the words Kris wrote to the bride of his youth, even as she sought her fulfillment outside of their marriage.
Join us in welcoming our new guest blogger, Jamie Bishop of Loving When It Hurts. She'll share candidly and passionately from her healing heart how to love your spouse, even when it hurts.
Jamie and Kris have been married for just over 13 years. 12 1/2 years of that time, Kris was weighed down by an addiction to pornography. After 5 years of praying and wishing it away, Jamie quit trying and slowly found her way to the arms of another man. That relationship lasted on and off for over seven years before Kris found out about it. A year into God's restoration of our marriage, their story is one of unconditional love, forgiveness, and hope. It is their prayer that their story encourages anyone who is struggling to put the pieces of their marriage back together.