Let's just say that grace has not always been a visible characteristic in my life. In 2008, I was blind to the trouble in my marriage. I was too busy in my own world putting my children and work above God and my husband. My husband's needs were not being met, and he turned his focus toward work, friends, alcohol, and eventually other women. Needless to say, communication was nonexistent.
This went on for a couple of years, and I was so out of touch that I didn't notice a thing. Looking back, all of the warning signs were there, but I was just living life blindly. I didn't want to acknowledge the problems because in my mind I thought ignoring them would make them go away. So when the bottom fell out, I felt completely overwhelmed with shock, abandonment, and heartache. I hit an all time emotional low instantly.
I was so far away from God at the time that I didn't even begin to know how to pray. Why would He want to hear from me after all the time that had passed ..... that's what I thought in my mind. Here I was at the holiday season suddenly trying to figure out how to deal with a broken marriage, balance finances alone, care for my boys, and somehow pick up the pieces of my shattered life. I just wanted to curl up and cry all day everyday.
I am grateful that God strategically placed godly people in my path that ministered the love of Jesus back into my life. They met me right where I was and shared the message of God's redeeming grace and mercy. At first, hearing the truth from a godly friend was tough. All I could see was my husband's mistakes. Sure I had made mistakes, but he CHEATED. That was way worse than my mistakes ... right???? Well, the truth hurts, but I was finally able to see the thorn in my own eye. God revealed to me how I contributed to the downward spiral of my marriage. I could finally recognize that I was very controlling, hard-headed, wanted everything my way, and my priorities had been way off base for years.
It has been a crazy, yet amazing roller coaster ride the last 4+ years. God's grace and mercy have been at work in my life in ways I could have NEVER imagined. My "fleshly" nature is to be extremely blunt and speak my mind regardless of what others think. I used to never worry about the delivery of my message, and I always spoke without thinking it through first. God has helped me to learn to seek His guidance first in ALL things! I finally figured out that things are much better when I allow Him to be in complete control and I walk in obedience to Him.
Although my marriage didn't work out the way I had hoped, I KNOW that God has BIG plans for my life. I now understand that He can take what the devil intended for harm and use it for good. My life was a shipwreck in numerous ways. Now that I am walking in obedience to Him, I can't go wrong. He has met EVERY single need ... and there have been many! I am also confident that God will reach my ex-husband in His perfect timing. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know Who holds my future! That's all the reassurance I need, and it brings me such perfect peace.
“Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands. -Isaiah 43;18-19
This verse speaks volumes to me. It ministered hope to me at a dark moment in my life. I pray it brings you hope for what you are facing as well. I also pray that you too will put complete trust in Jesus in ALL areas of your life. His grace is sufficient for all your needs! Stand on His promises, and you can't go wrong.
Which scripture speaks to you and gets you through dark days?
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