It’s 9:45 and I manage to put the kids to bed. A bath has not even crossed my mind for I cannot even muster enough strength to cry out, “Calgon take me away”! Exhausted from a stressful day, I anxiously crawl in-between the warm covers.
My head hits the pillow and I feel his fingers climbing up my back like a creeping venomous recluse spider. He begins to run his hand through my hair and gently pulls me closer. I sense what he wants before his hand can even reach my shoulder. I whisper, “Not tonight, Honey, I’ve got a…. toe ache!”
Frustrated he rolls over and I know he has gotta be thinking, “Seriously, babe? I want to make out and that’s all you can come up with?” I’ve already used the headache, stomach ache, ear ache and backache excuses, so I struggle. Realizing I am running out of life lines- the toe just happens to be the quickest body part to come to mind!
We laugh now, but years ago I found every opportunity I could to run from sex. In all honesty, I looked at it as just another act of service I had to perform. Just being candid, I did not feel pretty. It was a marred, ugly side effect of the insecurities that I had allowed myself to be held captive to. Insecurities led to a destructive, chronic lack of self confidence in the bedroom. How could anyone find me beautiful? After giving birth to two kids and nursing, my body drooped and sagged despite push up bras and Spanx. I was so fixated on the stretch marks, weight gain, the cellulite, and the dark circles under my eyes that I couldn’t tolerate the thought of my husband seeing me unclothed.
My low self esteem was snuffing the joy out of me and our relationship. That is how I chose to live until GOD healed my marriage years ago. With that restoration, came healing in other areas as I allowed God to refine some things within me. One day I got so ticked off at myself for allowing Satan to sabotage my mind and hold me captive to my insecurities, that I threw what I call a holy tantrum, and cried out, Lord, I refuse to live this way any longer. I am sick of sulking. I hate the way that I feel. God deliver me and set me free!
Just today, I was snuggling with my husband as he affirmed what I am about to share with you. You see girlfriend, I need you to understand something. Your husband is not as concerned about you being a size two, as he is with you allowing him to see you naked! He wants to enjoy your body! He needs that. He desires that.
May I share with you something I came to understand that was so convicting? My husband can send his laundry to the cleaners, confide his darkest secrets to a counselor, purchase his meals at a restaurant and in doing all of these things he is still in the will of God, BUT if he has SEX with anyone other than his spouse it is an outright sin! Therefore, I am chosen and called to minister to my husband in this area. WOW, it is a whole lot different when you can comprehend sex as an actual act of worship.
Let’s get down to the nitty gritty. I know this is deep and I know I am stepping on some toes. As a matter of fact, girlfriend I am gonna need a pedicure myself by the time I finish this, but are we allowing our insecurities to cloud our vision and steal our joy of being intimate with our spouses? Are you fed up enough that you just want to throw your hands up with me and say, GOD I need a change! Honeychild, your breakthrough is coming!
Get a hot bath tonight, dab on your favorite perfume, put on something pretty whether it be a size 10, 14, or a 22. Go to bed a little early with your hubby and allow God to begin the healing process in this area of your marriage.
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. -1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Here are some resources to get you headed in the right direction:
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