You hear stories of brides getting cold feet and running away before the wedding ever starts. Well, I was the opposite. I was excited about getting married and spending the rest of my life with the man I loved. I remember my dad telling me it wasn't too late because he could still help me find the "get away car". Instead, I calmly pulled him around the corner so I could venture down the aisle to my future husband. Since my husband and I were both madly in love with each other, we thought that meant we'd live happily ever after. That's how it's suppose to be right?
For some reason, we both thought that we could do things "our" way instead of God's way. The problem was that our marriage was not centered on God. Our priorities were not in order. Needless to say, it didn't take long for things to change and for me to realize that marriage was not the fairytale I dreamed of as a young girl.
After eleven years of marriage, I found out my husband had two different affairs within a year. It was quite a shock because I had been living in a self-induced fog for MANY years. As you can imagine, this woke me up quickly and the memories of our marriage played in my mind like a movie.
For the first time, I could see how we slowly drifted apart and had become like strangers within the same family. The picture was crystal clear. I had been so lost in the lives of my children and my career that I had become content, distant, and self-centered. We just drifted apart and had absolutely no communication or affection. We were merely roommates with children. It took this earth shattering moment in my life to get my attention. You see, I still loved him in my heart, but I didn't put that love into action through my words, time, affirmation, and affection. We had simply lost our way!
I've come to realize that God loves each of His children enough to share some "tough love" when necessary. He will do what is necessary to get our attention and draw His sheep back into the flock. I am so thankful that He loved me enough to get my attention. At first when I found out about the affairs, I wanted to play the blame game.
Then the time came when two friends asked on two different occasions "What if this is less about changing your husband, and more about changing you?" That was a hard pill to swallow, but those words resonated in my mind for weeks. They would wake me up at night thinking and reflecting. They caused me to cry out to God and ask Him to show me my mistakes and seek forgiveness.
I admit that the past few years have had some very challenging moments. I did end up with an undesired divorce. It would be easy for most people to look at what has been lost, but I choose to look at what I have been blessed with. First and foremost, I gained a true relationship with my Jesus. I've been blessed to see God move in my life in ways most people couldn't imagine. Although I am no longer married, communication with my ex-husband is better than it ever was while we were married. I also trust that God is pursuing his heart and that he will surrender his life to Christ.
Genesis 50:20 ~ “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
If you’re committed to God, He promises that He will take whatever pain you’re experiencing and draw something good from it. I encourage you to take time to reflect and seek God about the people in your life.
Is there someone you love that has become a stranger? Reach out to them and trust God to help you mend the relationship!
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