I can feel the throbbing vein in my head. Somebody pass the chocolate. I’m about to step all over my hot pink painted toes, and honey child, I’m gonna need a pedicure by the time I am finished! By now, my hubby is reading the title to this article, and I envision him reaching frantically for some nitrogen pills. The ground just shook and my grandmother turned a Pentecostal flip in her grave while several of you are shaking your heads in disbelief saying, “Naw, tell me she didn’t just say that!“ Let’s just get real.
In order to have fulfilling marriages, we have got to be willing to address sensitive issues, and look to GOD and wise biblical counsel for the healing to take place.
According to Dr. Ed Wheat, author of Intended for Pleasure, the average couple spends no more than one hour a week for love making. Just being candid, years ago my hubby would have jumped for glee for one half of that time. I am sure there were many occasions when he thought he was making out with a lifeless mannequin.
I confess, I got to a point in my marriage where I was looking at sex all wrong. I found it to be just another added chore to check off my list. There were times I would be thinking, let’s just get this over with! I mean seriously, I would work an eight hour day, cook, clean, get baths ready, attend sporting events, chair the PTA, and by 10 p.m. my head would hit that pillow and I would pass out from exhaustion.
Yet, it never failed, I would feel that hand up my spine and I had to bite my tongue to keep from shouting out, “You animal, you just had it last week, you should be good for another 6 weeks, give me a break!" My selfish attitude was far from Christlike.
One of the pressing issues was our failure as a couple to communicate, which in return led to our struggles with intimacy. I remember being so resentful and thinking, you can’t even take five minutes out of your hectic work schedule to communicate with me or kiss me goodbye, but you want me to give up my sleep to give you pleasure?
Brothers in Christ, listen to me, your wife craves for you to fill up her love tank. Women desire those intimate conversations. She needs to know she is the most important thing in your world, she desires to feel pretty, listened to, even esteemed by you. You and your sex life will benefit beyond your wildest dreams from just 15 minutes of what we call uninterrupted couch or porch time; conversation with no electronics, television, computers, kids or phones! If you have not connected with your wife all week, and the only time you speak to her or show her affection is when you jump in bed naked, ready to get it on, she will not feel intimate with you.
Sisters, are we guilty of giving our husbands our leftovers? Help, my toes are hurting! There will be days that we have to make adjustments in our schedules and most importantly our ATTITUDES. We want our husbands to romance us, meet our needs and boost our self esteem, but what are we doing to affirm him in the bedroom? What are we doing to show him that aside from God, he is the main priority in our lives?
You are the only one who can minister to your husband in this area of his life! If he has sex with anyone other than you it is a sin! Ladies, there will be nights when we have to put the kids to bed early, give up our favorite television reality show, put aside the laundry or facebook, and show our husbands who is number one!
There will be nights that you may have to pray, GOD change my heart, change my attitude, jump in a hot shower, dab on your favorite perfume and allow GOD to change your countenance. As you do this, your husband will respond and intimacy (the nonsexual kind) in your marriage will grow! Praying you, too, will find a NEW intimacy with your husband in the bedroom!
I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine.. Song of Solomon 6:3
Great getaways to learn about God's design for sex:
Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God's truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support!