I could hear the tires squeal as my husband jumped in the car and sped fiercely out of the driveway. Earlier we had been arguing, which led to a bitter exchange of heated words, the cries and screams of our two small children, and my harsh threats of proceeding with a divorce.
As I stood there in the driveway, frustrated, broken and falling apart, I was overtaken with emotion. I tried to hide the tears as I consoled my son and daughter. They had just watched in fear as their parents were shoving, lashing out and tearing each other to shreds with their words.
How had it come to this? We had both been raised in church, we had taught Sunday School, sung in the choir and now our marriage was crumbling. I just could not see any hope and felt like a complete failure.
Slowly, I began to flirt with sin and confide in a dear friend who who was in a similar situation in his marriage. Entangled in a web and finding myself drawn emotionally to my "friend," I no longer had the will or the desire to work on salvaging my own failing marriage. Torn, and in all honesty, wanting to justify my selfish actions, I began to seek the help of a local counselor. I had my way of manipulating my side of the story so that her words would only lead to the confirmation that I needed to hear... "remove yourself from that unhealthy environment, you deserve better, your kids deserve better, just walk away.”
I was so good at faking it, appearing to have it all together, yet deep down my world was spinning out of control and I was falling into a dark pit of despair and did not have the strength or the even the desire to climb out. I remember walking into church one Sunday, only to be surrounded by whispers, giggles and the pointing of fingers. I thought they were my friends... the hurt left me numb, the pain was unreal. It was followed by nights of being so overwhelmed with loneliness and a deep conviction from the Holy Spirit, that I just curled up on the corner of my bed and wept.
I had hit rock bottom. I was about to lose my family and everything we had worked so hard for. I just could not see a way out.
There are some of you who are reading this who have hit rock bottom. The fear, the anxiety, the hurt, the gossip; it’s more than you can bear. You're emotionally exhausted. You try to hide it and keep it all together, yet deep inside you wonder, how much longer can I hold on?
Maybe your marriage is broken, maybe a relationship with a child or a family member is coming apart, maybe it’s the despair of not knowing how you are going to make that next car or mortgage payment. Maybe as you read this, the tears begin to fill your eyes because your finances are in ruin. The bills are piling up and you just cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps you sat in that doctors chair last week as he gave you a diagnosis you were not ready to hear….I know all too well how that kind of fear feels.
You see, friend, I had reached that point in my life where I could not solve it on my own. I was so far down in that slimy pit that I was covered in mud from head to toe. I had no other choice but to look up! For weeks, I began to pray and cry out: God help me! Throw me a rope! I began to seek wise, godly counsel. I had to hit rock bottom to find out that HE WAS MY ROCK at the bottom! I had to come to the place where Jesus was all I had left, and I realized Jesus was all I ever needed.
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. Matthew 7:24-25
We know when two or more are praying in agreement, God moves. Let us pray with and for you- comment below for prayer or send us an email!
Great getaways to get to change your life, marriage and family, whether your marriage is thriving or barely surviving:
We're linking up with Marriage Mondays, Matrimonial Monday, Time Warp Wife, The Life of a Not So Ordinary Wife, Beauty for Ashes, A Wise Woman, Walking Redeemed, The Better Mom, Marriage Moment, Messy Marriage, Wifey Wednesday, and No Ordinary Blog Hop!
Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God's truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support!