My toes begin to tingle from the relaxation of the foaming bubbles in the soothing, hot drawn bath. I reach for the zero calorie, no carb, Hershey Chocolate bar then proceed to dip it into the jar of rich creamy peanut butter. I can hear the romantic sounds of Barry White playing softly in the background.
My husband walks in and I notice the reflection of his silky brown hair in the vanity mirror. Holding a rose between his teeth and a $500 Steinmart shopping gift card, he pulls my body close to him and begins to sing in a sexy hushed whisper, that Kenny Rogers tune, “You are so beautiful to me!” I collapse into his arms for a long night of snuggling, chocolate, peanut butter and endless back massages with absolutely no strings attached.
Suddenly, I awaken from my quick daydream to the cries of my two kids shouting from upstairs, “Momma can I get a glass of water,” and “Momma, tell her to hush so I can sleep...”
I just want to scream out,” Calgon take me away !” It is 10PM and my eyes can hardly stay open. It is all I can do to muster enough strength to brush my teeth. I grab my baggy, elastic waist sweat pants and Clorox faded oversized shirt, throw my hair up into a pony tail, pull back the covers and nearly collapse onto the bed.
Just about the time I am ready to dream, I can feel his fingers slide across my back. I think to myself... you have got to be kidding me! Sex again?! You have already had it once this month. Isn’t that enough to tide you over for this quarter?
There was a time in our marriage when I looked at sex as just another chore on my “to do” list to check off. I mean, didn’t he understand I had better things to do? I felt so overwhelmed with life, the kids and work ,that sex was just not as important as the other 50 things on my list. My ATTITUDE needed some major adjustments!
Just being candid, it was not until God restored our marriage several years ago that I began to have the desire to read and understand God’s perspective on sex. Here are a few things I took to heart that changed my entire outlook in the bedroom.
#1 GOD created sex and sex needs to be a priority! Sex is a means to glorify GOD, while we fulfill His design for intimacy, procreation, comfort and our physical pleasure. Whether it is for a ten minute "quickie" or a scheduled date night of hot passion, there will be days that I have to forget the laundry, the dishes, returning texts and emails. I will need to grab a hot shower, dab on my favorite perfume, prayerfully seek GOD to change my attitude and make time for sex with my husband!
#2 Having Sex with my husband makes him feel loved and desired. You see, my husband can encounter rejection in so many areas: friends, work, the kids, even peers at church…. My intimacy with him is ESSENTIAL to him feeling loved and desired. I am the only one in his life that can affirm him in this area. When we are together, I am saying to him that HE is more important to me than anything in the world. Our lovemaking is like a sweet salve for any rejection, isolation or depression that he may be feeling.
#3 SEX Should be FUN & Spontaneous! I can’t tell you how many times I have broken out with a loud laugh, scream or even a squeal from accidently hitting my head on the bedpost or falling out of the bed. Haven't we all experienced the panic attacks from thought of the kids turning the door knob? Sex needs to be passionate, enjoyable, spontaneous and even humorous. Sex was created for our pleasure. For us as a couple, that change came about when we began to openly communicate about the things we like and dislike. Take time to ask,what is your favorite thing for me to wear, your favorite spot to be touched, your favorite scent…. how about your favorite place to make out? You know there are other places to make out than the master bedroom!
#4 Sex gets better with age! When you take into consideration everything that we have learned as we have grown in our relationship with each other and in Christ, it can’t help but get better! Enough Said:)
If I had know then what I know now about sex, I would have changed my attitude a lot sooner. You can change yours now, too. Every minute is an opportunity to line up your attitude with God's Word!
I pray today that God will bless your marriages and your sex lives. May God give you an intimacy and a closeness with your spouse like never before. May HE heal any brokenness & unforgiveness, restore your fellowship with one another and give you pleasures beyond comprehension. In the Name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
Some of our favorite resources to help change your perspective and attitude:
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