To be honest, I never experienced an actual “homecoming” because my husband never actually walked out of our home. However mentally, physically and emotionally, he might as well have been gone. So, when God turned my husband's heart back toward me, it was like he had come home again. If you are facing this type of situation now, you know it is just as scary as they day they left! Now what?
The Pendulum Shifts. For so long, you have been focused on reconciliation, forgiveness, salvation and God’s grace to restore your marriage but from the moment they walk back in, your focus will shift. All of a sudden, you will begin searching your spouse for confirmation!
You will watch every move and listen intently to every word to determine its meaning. You will measure every hug, kiss and intimate moment against an invisible scale! They will either measure up or they won’t, but you will begin determining their level of commitment to you based on what you think they showed you in each moment. With this perspective, you can quickly walk out of a place of security and the complete trust in God and into a world of doubt and misery.
The reality of this is monstrously harmful because he/she is doing the same thing! Your spouse is listening to your words and searching your actions too! They are looking for you to be a different person than you where when they left in the first place and as you fall out of a place of strength, you start to look like the same old person you were when they left.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word. Ephesians 5:25-26
Your job is to love her. You will, undoubtedly, face a situation that will require you to set aside your headship and let her make some bad choices! She will test whether or not you can be trusted to love her if/when she makes mistakes. Trust God to fill her heart with the desire to follow you as you lead your home, and know God will require you to learn to be sensitive with her. Live out your trust in Him until she comes to trust Him too! This will take time!
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:23-24
Let your husband be the leader of your house. If there is a decision that you need to make and you can’t come to an agreement, then the decision is his! It is your husband's God given responsibility to take this position in your home; your unwillingness to do this is a direct reflection on how much you trust God. Live out your trust in God as you trust your husband to lead. There is freedom in submission!
Once a stander always a stander! To live a restored marriage requires you to stand in the strength, forgiveness and the trust in God’s plan that you developed during period of separation.
Keep in mind....
#1 Satan is real. He roams the earth looking for YOU and will draw your focus to any area that you have not fully handed over to God! He will highlight these areas in your spouse, make them present in every conflict and use it to tear away at your strength and your marriage. Fight Satan by focusing on God and allow GOD to finish what He started!
#2 Prayer is essential. Prayer and personal time with God becomes even more important at this point since Satan does not want your marriage restored. He will not let you stroll down the red carpet of restoration that God has laid before you without throwing all the darts he can at you!
#3 Don't measure. Know your spouse is NOT going to measure up to that invisible scale that you will begin measuring him/her against. The scale will inevitably appear but you don’t have to use it!
#4 Expect difficulties. Some of the original problems will still be there and you will have to work on them together but in a different way than you did before.
#5 Your spouse is watching you! Your wife/husband, whether openly admitted or not, is longing for what developed in you while they were gone! It’s that which brought them back in the first place! They want what gave you the strength to stand for them when they were away…so remain strong in your conviction and show them how BIG YOUR GOD REALLY IS!!
#6 Stay Resolved. Trust God no matter what things look like around you. At one point in our restoration process, I discovered that Mark had been continuing his affair. God told me, loud and clear … “You learned the lessons I had for you in this trial, but Mark has not. Give Me time to finish what I started."
You have been looking to God for your strength and hope for restoration… don’t stop when he/she comes home! If anything, focus even harder at this point and see what other lessons God has for you!
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