My Two Dads: A Double Portion

As I pray for restoration of one area in my life, I am reminded of how much God desires restoration in all areas of our lives.  Before my husband and I separated, over a year ago, I had not set foot in my dad’s house for three years. After my mother (the love of his life) died, he remarried. It was not a good situation and my brothers and I became estranged from my dad. We rarely saw him, which was a complete change of how close we used to be as a family. Restoration When I started this restoration journey for my own marriage and family, I began to see God work in all the other fractured parts of my life. Soon after my husband and I separated, my dad re-entered our lives.  I hadn't even realized what a profound affect this was having in my heart and marriage. As my heart was filled with love from a father to a daughter, I felt myself begin to ‘grow up’.  As I began to experience healing in this area, I was able to begin to relate to my husband less as the ‘wounded little girl’ and more as a ‘grown woman and wife’.  As my relationship with my earthly father improved, so did my understanding of my Heavenly Father.

There was going to be more to God’s amazing redemptive power and desire for wholeness in my life than just this though. You see, the story of the relationship with my father goes beyond three years of estrangement. It starts with my birth. For the first half of my childhood, I thought I was brown. My dad is of Latino descent, my mother is white. One evening, my mother shared with me that my dad was not my biological father. They began dating when my mom was pregnant with me, at 17 years old.

It would take me decades to realize how much the technicality of my biological origins impacted my soul and every other aspect of my life. I was in denial for years that there was a deep ache in my heart and unanswered questions about my identity. Again, during this marital separation, God would show me, how much He desires restoration and wholeness for every part—even the parts we swear never affected us, the parts that seem impossible to reconcile.

I turned 40 this past April. Maybe a week later, I received a message on Face Book…from my biological father, Alan. He offered condolences on the passing of my mother and indicated a desire to be in my life. God had been working on my heart, all this time, in such a way, that I was ready and willing to accept this man into my life, ‘As Is’.  A man, a father, I never knew, suddenly here, like the missing piece of a puzzle that I didn’t even have the picture to compare—that I would never have known how to put together. But God knew. He knew the timing. He knew what I needed, even before I did.

I never would have, nor could have, imagined I would ever meet this man. My dad (who raised me) was enough in my life. He is an awesome dad and did his best. Suddenly, there was this healing. No longer was my identity of one who was ‘rejected’ but one who was ‘chosen’. My dad chose to raise and love me as his own, regardless of biology. Now, no longer was I ‘forgotten’ but ‘remembered’. My biological father never forgot me or my existence and he sought me out. God has given me an opportunity that I know many never have.

double portionHow could I reject it? There was no feeling of resentment or bitterness or anger. Only healing, forgiveness and openness to what God wanted to do with this. I still can’t believe it when I look at it myself. A life time of inner struggle and striving to figure out and be who I am meant to be, and here I am.

How blessed am I to have not one, but now TWO dads in my life. TWO men that both claim to love and care about me. Prayers for restoration are never only about a situation or just a marriage or one relationship. Restoration goes beyond that. God desires to restore our very souls. The deep hidden places we sometimes can’t even admit exist. But He knows.  He keeps His promises and He is always working...above and beyond what we could ever possibly imagine. I know it won’t stop there either. I can’t help but be excited and look forward to the day my marriage is made whole too. Keep praying.

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