You know the parable-like story of the frog? She goes swimming in water and has a great time until someone turns the burner on under the pot and the water slowly heats up. By the time the frog knows she is in trouble, it is too late to jump out- she is dying. It's like falling into sin...we justify getting into the water. He was so nice at the start. He goes to church. It seemed harmless enough. And that is how I got there. Slowly.
Having been a Christian since I was 15 years old, I have had my ups and downs in my walk with The Lord, as do all of us who journey with Jesus. I have been out of His will off and on throughout my years and been restored to the path. But I had never been so far from his will that I thought I was beyond the reach of the father until I felt like Abraham, the rich guy in Luke 16:19-31. I had made sinful choices that led me out of God's will, one tiny degree at a time until I was over my head in boiling water.
I felt like I was in quick sand...where every time I moved, I sunk deeper. I was able to see the place I needed to be with God, but I couldn't get there because I had disregarded all the warnings and signs and redirection and loving guidance that God had sent me. I was feeling eternally separated from my God and knew that I was purposeless and worthless without Him.
My life couldn't get much grayer. I had gone from the woman of God's radiance, that lots of people used to call me, to the woman of blah. I was living in gray. There was no inner joy, just circumstantial and momentary enjoyment of the "feels good at the moment." Life inside my spirit was totally gray. Not black even...just gray. I knew where I wanted to be but had no real clue how to get back there.
I see the expansive array of emotions we have from deep grief to exuberant joy as the most colorful artistic thing about us as human beings. God created us to experience all our emotions with Him. We are to weep with those who weep, and rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15). We are to live in color. Walk in love, hear the music of the angels and the Father singing over us (Zephaniah 3:17) and to weep bitterly over those who are lost with the Father. Yet I was lost in my gray.
BUT GOD, who knows me and loves me more deeply than anyone ever could, found a way to invite me back into His space. He did so by finding me in mine. I lay before Him with the shattered heart that I totally deserved.
When I had a relationship with a person who clearly didn't put God first (he could not lead me to Christ because he was not heading there himself), and had sex outside of marriage... I deserved to be shattered. How could I be anything else? I chose to be out of God's will. Oh my gosh, can I be this honest about some of my pit falls along the way?
ENGAGED OR SEPARATED, SEX WITH ANYONE WHO IS NOT YOUR SPOUSE IS SIN. WHEN SEPARATED, DATING SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOUR SPOUSE IS SIN.
I am not condemning. I was there in SIN. But it is still SIN. We cannot be truly healed until we reconcile that and repent and then move again toward our Savior and the Lover of our soul who wants more than sex and more than our bodies. He wants it all. SINGLES hear this: if we live in SIN, God will not bless our relationships as He wants to. We are not in HIS will. I was not in HIS will and I felt unredeemable. BE INTENTIONALLY HIS.
BUT GOD...who redeems the unredeemable, invited me to meet HIM and showed me the value HE has placed in my life.
He welcomed me back, put me back on the road of restoration, but did more than that...HE REDEEMED MY LIFE.
I AM REDEEMED. I live in color. I experience the deepest grief and the highest joys. In fact, someone said I am radiant again. THAT IS JESUS!!! YOU, too, can be REDEEMED in Christ. Don't stay in gray, in competition for the attention and the glory in the here and now...lay yourself before God and live in His redemption and beautiful radiance today. I am so grateful for the mercy HE has offered and the REDEMPTION of my ashes for HIS BEAUTY. I pray that HE will sanctify this life that He has painted with beautiful colors of redemption. He restores by setting my feet on the right path again, and HE REDEEMS by making it all worth something.
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