How to Speak Life into Your Dead Marriage!

I throw that 'Speak Life' phrase around a lot...this is something that I've only began to understand and develop as a discipline, within the last year. Is your marriage seemingly dead?

The Bible assures us that our words and the language we use are VERY powerful. It affects our perspective, our outlook, our attitude, the very direction our brain physically fires up!

The Bible also warns us to 'take every thought captive' and to 'think of what is good, pure, Holy etc...' Going so far as to even state that the POWER of LIFE and DEATH is in our TONGUE! If our words were not powerful...God would not have written those scriptures for us to take heed to. Find verses about husbands, wives, family and declare those aloud on behalf of yourself, your spouse and your family daily! The POSITIVE ones, not the curses!

I love Proverbs 31 and this is what it sounds like for me to declare it in my life: My husband safely entrusts his heart to me. His name is praised in the city gates and my name as well. I do him good all the days of his life. My children arise and call me blessed and so does my husband. I am clothed with strength and dignity. I do not worry about the future. etc.

Declaration based on Eph 5: My husband and I are one flesh. He loves me as himself. I honor and respect my husband. My husband loves me sacrificially, as Christ loves the church. etc. Here are two downloadables...they aren't pretty, but you fill in your spouse's name and start praying!

Praying Gods word into wife's life

Praying Gods word into husband's life

So you say...but none of this is true! When we make these declarations--they are prayers, said in FAITH! They refute the lies of the enemy. First comes FAITH, then comes knowing and THEN comes *seeing*---where we will begin to see the natural manifestation of these words, happening. (I have witnessed this)

After scriptures, we can also 'speak life' into our current situation. For example...we pray for restoration, as if it is something we arrive at or accomplish, putting aside that it is a process.

Consider this statement: "I don't understand!" It is a dead-end statement that says I will never understand and it contains NO possibility of understanding. It blocks any more thought on the matter. However, if you change it slightly to: 'I don't understand right now, but I will eventually.' SEE THAT? Completely different perspective! Now, there are possibilities--the possibility of understanding! Yay.

Be diligent NOT to make declarations of never and always...such as: He/she will never change. First off, that is a bold face lie. Everyone is changing every moment they breathe. It's impossible to not change because one minute ago you had not read this sentence and now you have...that is a change right there. See what I mean?

People would ask: Has anything changed? Any changes? I USED to say: No...and feel so sad. NOW, I say; "Yes! I don't know yet how my husband has changed but I know he has. Here is what I have been learning/God has been showing me; ___________." Our lives and our answers do not always have to be directly related to our current marital status...though we think it is. If WE are learning to be a better spouse, in our 'learning period'...then THAT affects our 'marriage' regardless.

It's like if half a couple says: "We are not married, we are separated." But the other spouse says: "But we ARE STILL married." Different language is used, offering a different perspective or 'truth'. Instead of continuously repeating: 'We are separated.' I say; 'We are on the path of restoration.' OR 'I am still married!'

Here is an example {pretend} scenario:My husband comes to get the kids for his time. I smile, and am friendly. He gives a slight smile and happens to tell me he got paid and made a deposit into our joint bank account. They leave quickly.

I CAN FOCUS ON the fact that he did not invite me along.

  • I can go to my sad place and cry out to God in despair that my husband is still not home...when will he be home? Maybe never. Probably NEVER! Our kids need more than a part-time, dead-beat dad!
  • He smiled so arrogantly just cause he works and got some $$$! He's probably going to take them out to eat--must be nice not ever having to cook a real meal and clean it up! He'll probably give an excessive tip just to show off.
  • Look how he just rushed out cause he can't even stand me.
  • I can't wait anymore, he is NEVER coming home! I'm filing for divorce myself 1st thing tomorrow!!!!
  • He is such a ________!
  • How could I have EVER married him.
  • What a mistake!
  • WHY is this happening TO me!?!
  • God you are not even helping me! I guess I heard You wrong and You are not going to ever restore my marriage!?


  • I was friendly, pleasant and smiled at my husband.
  • I noticed he smiled back and I was reminded of how much I love his smile.
  • His body language was relaxed and open, his face was light when he told me about his paycheck.
  • Praise the Lord, my husband was open and honest about his income.
  • Praise the Lord he still desires to provide for us and wanted me to know that. Six months ago he had no income.
  • Thank You Lord for providing through my husband. I am so glad he is involved in our children's lives. Our children really need their father and he is important to them. Their relationship is very important.
  • Thank You God for turning the father's heart toward his children and our children's heart toward their father.
  • Thank You God that this exchange went peacefully and stress free.
  • Thank You God for moving in my husband's heart. I know You are working.
  • Thank You that he is prompt and respects other people's time.
  • Thank you that he values every minute with our children and will probably treat them to dinner and feed them well. They will enjoy that. I know he likes to leave big tips and bless the wait-staff.
  • Thank you for his generous spirit. Lord, bless MY husband.
  • Lord, I want to thank You in advance for the restoration of my marriage.
  • You are a good God.

The first scenario is focused on DEATH and speaks it. The second scenario is focused on LIFE and speaks it. It's NOT living in denial. It's not 'not' facing reality. It's following God's word and focusing on what is good and positive. It is blessing and not cursing. THAT is speaking LIFE.

I hope this helps some of you. I didn't fully understand all this at first when people told me...but I didn't have any tangible examples either. It really has changed my life and my prayer life tremendously! Keep declaring and praying brothers and sisters! ♥ ♥ ♥

Great getaways to get to change your life, marriage and family, whether your marriage is thriving or barely surviving:

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