Love is not a fairy tale where the couple lives happily ever after. Satisfaction is defined as fulfillment of one's wishes, expectations, or needs, or the pleasure derived from this. It's probably safe to say that at the very beginning of most marriages the bride and groom are both satisfied with their relationship. They feel their needs are being met and they find great pleasure in being with each other. So, where do things start to go wrong in so many relationships???
Why does 'I do' become 'you do it?'
I believe in most broken marriages, each spouse merely lost sight of their partner's needs. This happens for many reasons, including:
- little or ineffective communication
- mixed up priorities
- spiritual immaturity
- poor time management
- lack of marital preparation
So many marriages take place for all the wrong reasons or with very little preparation for truly sticking to the vows of "for better or worse." Sure, lots of preparation happens before the ceremony, but very little planning takes place before hand to be adequately prepared for the depths of marriage. At least that was what happened in my case. I planned the wedding and thought the fairy tale marriage would happen all on its own just because we were in love.
My ex-husband and I entered our marriage truly in love, but extremely unprepared for the marital journey. We had no clue about God's design for marriage and our one session marriage counseling certainly didn't teach us!!! Our trouble was poor communication. We literally didn't understand each other's love language and were unable to discern the other's needs. So discontentment set in, needs went unmet, we took each other for granted, and resentment began because we didn't communicate about our feelings or the many unmet needs- we isolated ourselves from each other.
Love is not a fairy tale.
You see all marriages are susceptible to ups and downs, but when couples put God at the center and are willing to do the hard work even the most broken marriage can be healed. It takes undying commitment to do whatever it takes to keep your vows. I've learned that love is not a fairytale feeling, but rather a Godly choice that you have to wake up and make every single day.
Are you experiencing a troubled marriage? Struggling to communicate with your spouse? Feeling a sense of discontentment in your marriage? Trust me ... you are in dangerous water and I beg you not to ignore it! I have made that mistake and paid dearly for it.
The good news is that there is hope when you give it all to Jesus and begin to TRULY work on your marriage. Think about it...if you want to have a nice home you have to keep it clean and do regular maintenance. Well, your marriage is no different. If you want to keep it alive and healthy you have to make your spouse your first priority after God and commit to continually working on your relationship. God gives us an instruction manual for a healthy marriage ... HIS WORD!!! It is filled with directions for a healthy marriage. Who better to turn to than the Author and Creator of marriage?
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. ~Matthew 4:5-6
Down but not out.
After my divorce, I remember telling my dear friend Sherry that I did not feel qualified to help others dealing with marital problems. She quickly reminded me to not allow the devil to disqualify me because God had used my situation to turn my life around and for me to share that story with others for His glory. She helped me to see just how far God had brought me. So it is my honor to share my journey with all of you. I pray that you truly examine your marriage and heed the warning signs. Sure it may be hard work, but anything worth having takes hard work and commitment!
Recently I ran across a song by Chris August entitled "Restore". I encourage you listen to it. It is a beautiful message of hope for hurting marriages. I've shared the words to the chorus with you. Stay encouraged my friends!
I know you're feeling like it’s falling apart and it can't go on anymore. But God is a God who knows how to heal So just give it up to the Lord And He will restore.
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Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God's truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support!