A cure for boring sex? You are kidding me right?! Make love on the clean monogrammed bathroom towels? Honey, do you know how long it took me to wash, dry and fold those? On top of that you want to get on the floor? Seriously? I just shampooed, blow dried and used the flat-iron on these bangs, and I can only imagine the screaming if one of our kids just happen to peek under the crack of the bathroom door.....
I can see my husband shaking his head and reaching for his fake nitrogen pills, (Dark Chocolate Peanut M&M’s), this is going to be a difficult post! As a matter of fact, I’m about to step all over my hot pink polka dot painted toes, and I am gonna need a pedicure by the time I am finished.
Just being candid, I can write about sex, research sex, give godly advice about sex and undoubtedly I will be the first one to admit that I, Beverly Weeks, still do NOT have SEX all figured out!!
Boring Sex (Insert Yawn)
What I do know is that for years, sex did nothing more at my house than bring about a slew of yawns! I have to be candid and say that most of that was due in part to my not knowing what it was all about. I mean all I knew is that when I said "I do," honeychild, I was expected to “do it.”
Sex & The Christian Couple
Why is it that, within our churches, sex is such a well tight lip secret and no one wants to address the subject? I can sure tell you that in the few premarital counseling sessions that my husband and I had, not once did the word SEX ever come up.
Honestly, it was not until God began a new work in my relationship with my spouse several years ago that I began to question and became aware that there was more to it. I mean, at my house there was more excitement when we broke open a package of breakfast cereal and retrieved the prize out of the box than when we had sex.
The Big "O" Word
Grab your ears for this one and cover your eyes! I am going to need a jar of crunchy peanut butter and a Hershey bar once I have revealed this. I had absolutely no idea the big “O” word even existed. As a matter fact, when I first found out about an orgasm (I still can't believe I just said that), I thought it was an ugly slain curse word. I just remember hearing talk among my girlfriends about how great sex was and wondering what is wrong with me! Am I dysfunctional, is my body impaired?
A Cure For Boring Sex
Try New Things. I’ll be honest, somewhere along the way I naively had this concept that sex must always be done in what I call “missionary style.” No noise, same position, little excitement and if that changed in any way, I assumed I was sinning. I began researching godly resources and books on sex within the Christian marriage. It blew my mind! We, as a couple, had been missing out on all the pleasures that God intended for our marriage. Even more alarming, I had body parts I never knew existed!
Know what's okay.When I am approached by a couple who asks, "what is acceptable in the bedroom" my reply is does it bring about shame in any way to your or to your spouse, will it emotionally, spiritually or physically harm you in any way, if not then if you both are in agreement, try it! Whip cream, oils, warming lubricant, apparel, different positions, try new things!
Communicate. Help your spouse turn you on! How ironic, I have written posts on How To Turn Her On Without Getting Naked, and HowTo Turn Him On & Get Naked but quite frankly, there may be times when you will have to help your spouse turn you on! Let me explain. For so long I did not communicate to my spouse what I did, and did not like. How was he to know that a certain touch sent me to squealing, foreplay prepares my body for what is to come, and connecting with me emotionally before jumping into bed would go a long way?
I don’t know why, but I always felt ashamed and embarrassed to share this with him. My husband and I began to open up more about this area of our marriage. He and I agreed to become transparent. We recognized that a good sex life is one of the keys to a great marriage.
Get Rid Of Filth.Just one peak and no one will ever know… This is a lie straight from the pits of hell itself. That one peek into that nude magazine or online pornography site can cause hurt and great pain in your marriage. Pray, begin to seek God for healing if you are already addicted. Get yourself an accountability partner, everyone needs accountability software (we like X3 Watch), bring that sin to light with your spouse no matter how painful, and seek godly counsel.
So many people are in bondage. They find themselves drawn into to pornographic movies, romance novels, adult sites, this can devastate your marriage and lead to unfair comparison. A dear friend of mine, described it best when she explained that her husband's involvement in pornography "felt like their was an ongoing mistress in their relationship." Turn off the sexy TV programs. Those sex lives are not real. It's Hollywood. Real life couples have real life issues. Do you want an infallible source on what sex was created for and what its intended purpose is? Then go to the Word of God!
Make Your Marriage Your Top Priority. Yes, this statement is meant for me.. My marriage needs to be my first priority. Before kids, before PTA, before church activities, before ministry, before work, before exercise... My marriage should be second only to GOD!
Have More Sex. Let’s see how can I help you to understand this..hmmm. You know there was a time when I was taking Zumba. In all honesty, I didn't just stink, I STANK! No lie, at my first class I split my pants twice, hit a lady in the back of the head and went tumbling to the right. That's when I took out the entire back row of ladies in my class. Needless to say, I received some bad looks. The next time I walked in they all had on helmets and began to scatter! Weeks passed and I got better. My coordination improved, my friends were happy and I had actually learned some new things. Have more sex with your spouse and you will learn NEW things, you can incorporate the new ideas, practice your communication skills and my dear friend those yawns will turn into winks and shouts of joy!
I am keenly aware that this is a very sensitive area to couples who struggle because of past sexual hurts, pornography, sexual sin, or medical conditions that keep them from being intimate in the bedroom. Know that it's okay to reach out for godly counsel for healing in this area.
If you had a headache you would grab an aspirin. Don't be complacent with BORING SEX, why not grab your spouse, pray together, and put into practice these techniques!
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