Lonely? There are many fears that we can grab onto. Single or married. Happily married or standing for a broken marriage. Standing or divorced and letting go. Whatever the state we are in, there are fears to hang onto if we choose.
I choose not to commit to being single forever, but not to be afraid of it. I choose not to consider alone, lonely. I choose not to consider single alone or lonely. I choose to seek Jesus in moments of my discontent. I choose not to FEAR alone.
You Must Choose
I have to choose these things. If I do not, I will walk in desperation of discontentedness in my single state. I will be miserable. By myself, with others, and with God. AND I will make others miserable and they will not choose to be with me, which would make single feel more alone. Though, with or without others, I never walk through this life alone by choice again. I am hanging tightly to my Savior.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. ~1 John 4:18
I have been told that I have the gift of singleness during this time of my singleness. I have to laugh, since I think life in any state is a gift. But I think someone meant that if one could be happy being single, then they must have the gift of singleness. I have done a lot of thinking about this recently. It is sin not to be content. It is sin not to walk in joy, even when life seems to suck. It is sad to swim in misery because I cannot seem to find a place in my soul for Jesus to heal me of moments of my discontent. I have always been different that way. THAT is a gift.
From childhood's hour I have not been As others were — I have not seen As others saw — I could not bring My passions from a common spring — From the same source I have not taken My sorrow — I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone — And all I lov'd — I lov'd alone — Then — in my childhood — in the dawn Of a most stormy life — was drawn From ev'ry depth of good and ill The mystery which binds me still — From the torrent, or the fountain — From the red cliff of the mountain — From the sun that 'round me roll'd In its autumn tint of gold — From the lightning in the sky As it pass'd me flying by — From the thunder, and the storm — And the cloud that took the form (When the rest of Heaven was blue) Of a demon in my view —
by Edgar Allen Poe
Lonely, Not Alone
I was always a bit different in my aloneness through my life. I could be alone and not be lonely. I could be with others, and feel alone. I could see the world from a perspective that few seemed to share, much less understand. It made me different and less fun at a party. I have been told that people love to listen to me sometimes, but they lose me when I seem to go where no mind can join me. I have laughed, but have wondered if I was created to be by myself. Then I remember God. I am never alone. And all HE has done has been for our unity with each other. TOGETHER.
… And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. ~Matthew 28:20
Then I experienced my daughter, whom I got when she was 17. She invaded my world and taught me the challenge, the pain, and the joy of having family.
My definition of family: A person/people who seem to exist in your world to acknowledge and witness your life. Single folks sometimes do not have this miracle, so they feel alone at times and they may even feel as if their life doesn’t matter. Standing spouses also experience the sense that the one significant witness to their life being gone makes them worth less. But it does not mean their lives do not matter. Feelings are undependable and can be horrible to contend with at times. The enemy can distort and twist the beautiful gift of that rainbow of feelings to be considered our enemy instead of our blessing.
We think that if someone doesn’t “feel” love for us, then they must not love us in relationship. We feel that if we aren’t in a working relationship full of joy, then God must have left us. We are afraid, lost and lonely at times. BUT GOD…
I have pondered this. Back to Poe, "…all things I’ve loved, I’ve loved alone." That is what got me thinking. I have always been different, but a college friend once told me that he couldn’t understand how I could take a great trip alone without someone to say “wow” with. It didn’t mean much then, but it does now. I get that. Relationships give us someone to build memories with, to validate our lives with, to witness our lives, and they give us someone to say “wow” with. At some point it has become important to me to share what I love with others and to share what others love with them. That is the call of God. WE need each other to say “wow” with.
I have carried this quote from Luci Swindoll around in my Bible for a zillion years…well, ok, not so many, but it seems so:
Don’t WAIT for a mate. Don’t WAIT for more time. Don’t WAIT until both your feet are on the ground. Don’t WAIT for anything else. The time to be involved with living is now—not tomorrow or next week or next year. NOW! ~Luci Swindoll
Problems Are Part of Life
You may believe there are so many problems with being single. You're lonely. You're bored. You don’t know how to enjoy things by yourself.
OF COURSE there are problems. There are problems in any lifestyle, because that is a part of the living process…I would venture to say many of your problems as a single person exist because you are holding back. You are waiting for something better to come along, that certain something that will enrich your circumstances. Well, Friends, --it’s here! It’s called LIFE. And BREATH. And GOD. That’s all you need. You don’t have to be married to be happy. You just have to be ALIVE!
We all know Psalm 23…yea though I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I will fear no evil… Well, if single is the evil to you, fear not. If feeling abandoned and alone in your standing for your broken marriage is evil to you, then fear not. If you are struggling, fear not. …for thy rod and thy staff, they comfort. HE IS WITH YOU. Even unto the ends of the earth. I choose not to feel lonely and I choose to remember that I am never alone.
Do not be afraid of being or feeling alone…because in truth, not feeling necessarily, YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! It does not have to equal lonely. Reach out and choose to share your loves with others. Choose not to love all things you love alone. SAY WOW WITH US AND MOSTLY SAY WOW WITH JESUS!
Sherry and Beverly have spoken at events throughout the southeast, including our own annual Intentionally & Wonderfully Made women’s event, and we’d love to come speak at YOUR women’s event! We share on topics such as insecurity, sexual intimacy, lies women believe, comparison, discontentment, people pleasing, 10 questions to ask your husband, and more. Don’t miss my next speaking engagement!
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