Listen up moms and dads, this is serious. I KNOW this is hard on our kids. BUT do NOT allow yourself to even THINK of curses over them because of your marital situation. REBUKE all those statistics about how children of divorce (or separation) end up as drug addicts, in jail, teen moms--whatever! Speak LIFE for your children!
You have power here. Being a single parent is hard, no doubt. In America, that job primarily STILL falls on moms. Either way...TAKE CARE OF YOU because your children will be watching you to know how to navigate through this.
Are you honoring your spouse no matter what? Are you speaking words of life to and ABOUT your spouse? Are you admitting your own faults and asking for forgiveness? Are you PRAISING God through thick and thin?
Speak Life, Not Death
Or are you whining, blaming, complaining, giving in to bouts of self-pity and depression? Are you speaking about how horrible your life will be for you and your kids when daddy or mommy are gone? Or are you speaking about how GOD will provide no matter what? How GOD loves unconditionally? OR how ALL things work together for GOOD for those who LOVE God and are called according to HIS purpose? Are you declaring how what satan intends for harm, God WILL use for GOOD!?! Are you teaching your children HOW to forgive? HOW to love the unlovable? Are you teaching your children how to PRAY? And how to HEAR God?
I have four children. Oldest is 20 years old, youngest is four years old and my middles are 11 and 13. My oldest is a leader in his church's youth group. All my kids have been born and raised in the church, however, I have never depended or relied on 'the church' for their spiritual development. My husband and I have always considered it our personal responsibility.
I also want you to know, that even though oldest is 20, so you may think he understands more spiritually but this has NOT been any easier on him since this is also HIS THIRD time going through parental separation. He feels his own pain of abandonment and rejection, deeply.
He has experienced his own personal struggle to LOVE and FORGIVE his dad, my husband. He was so filled with anger, hurt and rage toward him. What helped him was hearing God speak personally to him: "and you have abandoned me. You have rejected me at times..."
He had given up on his dad...but he sought God and God answered him directly and personally. He doesn't have his 'momma's religion'--he has his own personal relationship with Christ. He's realized and accepted that Christ died for his dad! Christ LOVES his dad...and HE wants to be like Christ! He's realized, that the person you HATE, that has hurt you, that irritates and annoys you--THAT PERSON was on Christ's mind when He was dying on that cross! NOTHING is wasted--it is ALL for the GLORY of GOD--even the suffering!
We've had many, many, MANY conversations through this. This is what was in his heart...train your children in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it! We are not, none of us, perfect. I am not the perfect mom (or wife) and my kids are painfully aware of this. But we love God, as a family. I point them to CHRIST in my failures and weaknesses. I challenge and encourage them toward Christ.
We fight, cry, lose it and still pray together! We take it ALL to the cross, daily. We don't just talk about deliverance, we LIVE it, as a family.
It starts with YOU, mommy and daddy.
Are YOU disciplined in Christ? Failures will come, perfection may not be achieved BUT ENDURANCE...parenting (like marriage) is a marathon NOT a sprint! Develop a spiritually disciplined life for yourself and with them:
- Pray for wisdom and discernment in parenting during this challenging season.
- Talk and pray with your children.
- Teach them to look and find the answers to the hard questions in God's Word.
- Show them HOW to go to God and listen for HIS voice.
- Instruct them to pray for wisdom.
- Encourage them to hold on to the promises of God.
Teach them to pray AND praise, through the pain. Teach them to not be self-focused but servant-hearted. Teach them to find those that need help and HELP. Teach them to be grateful and to give praise in and for ALL. Point them toward the value of eternal rewards. Teach them to GIVE generously not hoard defensively. Always, always, ALWAYS remind them of WHO they were born to be---> IN CHRIST! When they forget---> REMIND THEM! Do NOT ever stop reminding them. And LIVE that out for yourself so that they will WANT to be like you--a man or woman of God, after God's own heart!
Be strong and of good courage mommy and daddy. Do NOT grow weary in well doing, so that you will receive what has been promised. Keep praying!
You can read more from Katy at The KtKronicles. Sherry and Beverly have spoken at events throughout the southeast, including our own annual Intentionally & Wonderfully Made women’s event, and we’d love to come speak at YOUR women’s event! We share on topics such as insecurity, sexual intimacy, lies women believe, comparison, discontentment, people pleasing, 10 questions to ask your husband, and more. Don’t miss my next speaking engagement!
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