Why can't you just move on?
Ever found yourself asking your spouse a question like this? Or maybe being asked this very question?
A friend of mine was telling me recently that he had a conversation with his wife that got a little out of control, and he was relaying what had taken place. To give a brief background without too many details, they went through a very tough time in their marriage about a decade ago because of some terrible choices on his part, and they’ve done the hard work over time to recover. Their marriage is nothing like it was back then. So you may think that after all that hard work and ten years he might even have the right to expect his wife to just get over it and move on.
But sometimes we can do SO much damage with the way we communicate. What if he had asked almost the same thing - but with slightly different word choices? Instead of saying “Why can’t you just move on?” what if he replaced you with we? "Why can't we just move on?"
Suddenly, it’s not so confrontational. Suddenly, there’s partnership implied, and it sounds as though he has some ownership rather than is assessing blame.
What if he took it a step further?
Instead of saying “Why can’t we move on”, what if he said something like: “My desire is that after 10 years of working hard together on this issue, we would be able to continue moving forward together.”
It’s the same thing, only different. Right? Now it’s painting the picture of progress, gives hope, and assigns ownership without blame.
And then, what if he added this? “I know we’ve come a long way, and my desire is to continue working with you toward full restoration – so that God is honored through our lives and marriage.”
Now he’s casting vision, giving credit where it is due – and inviting the supernatural into the relationship.
Proverbs 18 is a great chapter about relationships and the power of words. In it we find this great nugget:
Death and life are in the power of the tongue. ~Proverbs 18:21
We can literally breathe death or life into a conversation, into a relationship, into the life of those we love through the words we speak - and how we say them. I pray that we will all become more effective communicators - for the glory and honor of God!
Sherry and Beverly have spoken at events throughout the southeast, including our own annual Intentionally & Wonderfully Made women’s event, and we’d love to come speak at YOUR women’s event! We share on topics such as insecurity, sexual intimacy, lies women believe, comparison, discontentment, people pleasing, 10 questions to ask your husband, and more. Don’t miss my next speaking engagement!
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