You're kidding, is this all there is?? Where was the passion that I had seen on the big movie screens and soap operas? The deep breathing, the moaning, the sexy lingerie…. Disappointed, I sighed to myself as I reached for the covers and turned back over to get some much needed sleep.
Maybe there was something wrong with me. Could it be that my body parts were possibly dysfunctional? Why did my husband seem to enjoy sex, while I would just lie there, counting the white, painted, popcorn crackles on the ceiling just to make the time go by….
I had expectations of what our first years of lovemaking would be like… we had experienced absolutely none of them! On top of that, there had been no mention in our brief premarital counseling session on sex. As a matter of fact, if I would have thought about reaching out for help, just the mention of the word “sex” would have sent some of my church friends into a tizzy.
Honeychild, I ain’t gonna’ lie, those first few years I found more thrills shopping at a TJMAXX sale or sitting down with a jar of crunchy peanut butter and a chocolate bar than I did in the bedroom. Often times I thought, could it be that sex was just created to be a “man thang?"
Trial and error
When I reflect back to our early days of marriage, it was definitely all by “trial and error.” Shamefully, for years, even a decade, I allowed “Ho-Hum” boring sex to become the norm in our bedroom.
Lovemaking was done in the missionary style, complete darkness, Fruit of the Loom underwear off …and ten minutes later we were finished… In the back of my mind I could not help but think there had to be more….
Can Christians Enjoy SEX?
You know sadly there are many Christian women and men today who are confused about sex. They have never really experienced the passion, enjoyment and the true gift of sex within their marriage. Just being candid, it was not until years ago when God restored our marriage that I began to look at ways to enhance our sex lives. I desired to share that deep down intimacy with my husband. AND Yes, by golly, I wanted to yell, I wanted to squeal and I wanted to feel sexy!
Sadly enough, I felt like there was no one within my church that I could share my secret with. I began to read Christian resources and books and that became my stake in the ground moment. I realized that God created sex and He intended it to be the most pleasurable gift shared between a husband and a wife.
Can I be godly & sexy?
Looking at myself naked in the mirror is not my idea of fun. I mean, the first thing I used to be drawn too was the extra tummy roll and the dimples and dents in my draggin’ hiney. Years of nursing had left me sagging, and even with the Spanx and a little zebra striped duct tape, I still did not feel pretty or even come close to feeling desirable.
The magazines that caught my eye in the check out line only showed beautiful women with perky boobs and not one sign of dark circles or cellulite. It was no wonder that I chose to wear over sized jogging pants and hideous flower printed gowns in an attempt to conceal what I perceived as a not to pleasant image. Years of battling with low self-esteem began to heal as I began to look at myself the way that God sees me.
Psalm 139:14 I am fearfully & wonderfully made.....
I began to to dress differently in the bedroom. You see, men are visual and I wanted to give my husband a little something to shout about. I went out and bought several new outfits all with the intention of turning him on! It was not easy purchasing lingerie that had less material than your grandma's handkerchief, but I did it for my husband and for me.
The Number One Godly Resource on SEX
I turned to the one true source, the number one godly resource which I call, "Sex for Dummies" and it's right in the bible. My eyes and my heart were captivated by what I found in the book of Song of Solomon as these two lovers, husband and wife, shared unbridled sexual intimacy together. There were scented oils, dancing, poetry, eating, (well, glory I absolutely LOVED that part). It was charming, romantic and I began to pray, GOD I want that kind of passion in my home with my lover!
My husband and I began to communicate with each other and to share our likes and dislikes. We began to experience things that we had never experienced before. We got out of that rut of "sex after ten, and only in the bed between two starched sheets." Yes, there is something amazing about hearing my man’s beating chest as we are in the shower having some glorious intense fellowship.
What are you desiring for your marriage in your sex life? Drop the pride, reach out for godly counsel, turn to the resources found in God's word and other Christian sources and you will be amazed at what GOD can do.
We LOVE a blog called Hot, Holy & Humorous, and we think you'll love it, too. Additionally, here are some great resources on sex and intimacy:
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