Throughout marriage, if we decided we would only have sex when we both were in the mood, how often would we have sex? Not much. With marriage comes self sacrifice and the decision to be available. And while there may be times our husbands would love for us to just say "hey, let's have sex," more often than not, when we say that, it comes from a spirit of fear or control, to pull our husbands to us. Every part of our bodies as women was created to attract our husbands to us, not demand or pull them to us. We've all seen how making demands of our husbands sends them running away from us instead of toward us.
In The Surrendered Wife Chapter 19 Take the Feminine Approach to Sex, author Laura Doyle encourages wives to acknowledge, embrace and emphasize the distinct gender differences between husbands and wives. Sex is not one more thing to be added to his "to do" list. I love this clip from She's Having a Baby...in which the wife's demand for sex is less about meeting her desire for sexual intimacy and more about conceiving, it really emphasizes how NOT to seduce your husband:
So, where can we go to learn more about seducing our husbands? One of my personal favorites is the Song of Solomon and Philippians 2:3, through which Paul tells us When you do things, do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves. The list that Laura Doyle shares on page 203 is a great start:
- Squeeze his arm and say "oooo, you're strong."
- Put on a negligee and lay on the bed with a book.
- Tell him he looks sexy in those jeans and squeeze his butt.
- Give him a long, slow kiss and a hug.
- Snuggle up with him in bed.
- Tell him that you're feeling especially erotic today.
- Take off all your clothes and get into bed or the shower with him.
Some other ideas on drawing your husband to you, building him up and encouraging him through:
- Making his favorite meal for dinner.
- Alluring texts throughout the day with perhaps little hints about what may be waiting for him that evening.
- A stream of encouragement throughout the day, emphasizing the things you love about him.
- A note in his bible/lunch/briefcase/wallet with a brief description of what you are dreaming about for that night.
- A sexy voicemail telling him how much he turns you on.
- Read parts of Song of Solomon (like 5:10-16) to your husband, tailoring to your husband's attributes.
Build your husband up, encouraging him in all areas of his life, including his sexuality. These are a few of my favorites from Song of Solomon:
His words are kisses, his kisses words. Everything about him delights me, thrills me through and through! ~ Song of Solomon 5:16
My lover is already on his way to his garden, to browse among the flowers, touching the colors and forms. I am my lover’s and my lover is mine. He caresses the sweet-smelling flowers. ~Song of Solomon 6:2-3
God is so smart. He created husbands and wives such that for wives, physical intimacy follows emotional intimacy. And for husbands, being emotionally intimate often follows physical intimacy. As husbands and wives pursue each other emotionally and physically, He's created in us what we need to draw each other together. And in His perfect love, all fear is cast out. Pursue each other. Pursue God.
Some awesome posts here at Intentionally Yours on sex:
- Sex That Will Bless His Socks Off!
- Godly & Sexy
- Does Size Really Matter with Sex?
- A Cure for Boring Sex
- Four Steps to WOW Sex!
- If I Had Known then What I Know Now
- Fill My RoloSex
- How to Turn Him On & Get Naked
Sex is a tough area for many men and women because of their past relationships, upbringing, or potentially sexual abuse. Don't be bound by your past, seek help through resources or biblical counseling. By the way, pornography is NOT a tool of seduction. It is a perversion, a tool used by the enemy to steal, kill and destroy the desire of men and women for their spouses and God.
NOTE: One thing I want to mention here is that yes, I am disappointed that with all God has to say about the role of wives and submission, the author doesn’t cite any scripture, yet manages to quote Buddha. It’s still a great book, it still lines up with God’s Word, the author’s frankness was a practical wake up call for me…I just wish she’d embrace and share that God is the author of surrender.
In case you've missed it, this post is part of a series following along with The Surrendered Wife. I'd strongly encourage you to pick up the book and read along! Catch up on the blog series now by reading: Control or Intimacy, Did You Marry a Loser?, Chauffeur or VIP, Shhhh!, Crazy Resentful, Your Heart's Desire, You Bought a What?!, Just Say Thank You, Girlfriends, Button Pusher, Expectations, Not a Mind Reader, Space to Work, A Wife's Role, It's Okay to Say I Can't, Intimacy: Naked & Unashamed, If You Can't Say Something Nice, and Let Your Husband Be the Dad.
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