Three Steps To A SEXcessful Love Life

A little Barry White playing in the background, we giggle, we kiss… my husband pulls me closely to his rib cage and in an effort to muffle the noise I frantically reach for the pillow to cover my face. Who knows in a blue million years just how we have ended up rolling on the floor near the bedroom door. It’s our long-awaited fifteen minutes of passion! My head turns toward the door and I can hear the sound of the turning door knob. My adrenaline starts to go haywire and out of nowhere I pull it together and shout, “Don’t you dare open that bedroom door young lady, mom is working on the muscles in daddy’s hurt back!”  We pause for a brief moment and then I am faced with my worst love life nightmare, a little set of beady, brown, nine-year old eyes, peering from underneath the door jamb. “Mom, are you sure everything is okay? What’s that owl sound coming from your room?” 


Not one, not two, BUT Three Steps To a SEXcessful Love Life:

Just Do It! Yes, I am keenly aware someone already has that slogan. I don’t want to steal it, just borrow it! If you have said, “I do,” well honeychild, it’s time to do it! I'll be the first to confess that I am so guilty of getting caught up in laundry, dirty dishes, the PTA, kid’s activities and so many chores and  priorities that by the end of the day I am drained dry emotionally and physically. Sex has not even crossed into the thoughts of my overloaded, worn out brain cells.

The only thing I have on my mind at 9 PM is my head hitting a soft pillow. Some nights it is all I can do to muster enough strength to brush my teeth. BUT, then I feel "IT"…. The HAND!! His fingers go to crawling up my spine and I want to scream out! YOU ANIMAL! You just had it last night, to be sure that ought to be enough to last you for two months or six months! It’s then that I have to give myself a check up from the neck up and take control of my thoughts. Sometimes I just have to say, GOD, you know I'm exhausted, I need you to change my attitude! Lord, help me look at this differently. Help me to look as sex as a gift and enjoy this intimacy with my husband.

Communicate! Sex within the marriage is a beautiful gift to be delighted in by the couple. BUT you can’t scream or shout for joy if you don’t first communicate to each other your likes and dislikes. I have a confession, and I am just getting candid. Have mercy! Somebody pass the peanut butter and chocolate cause this is the part where I can picture my beautiful, “raised in church all her life” grandmother turning a Pentecostal flip in her grave. I bet the earth is shaking about right now!

I admit that I went many years in our marriage without experiencing the “O” word. As a matter of fact for the longest time I had no idea the “O” word could even exist within a Christian marriage!  My concept was that it was something dirty, or just for an elite few. When I heard other women talk about it or read articles about it, I felt so ashamed and embarrassed, that I never told anyone that I had not ever experienced it! Not even my husband.

Some THANGS are gonna CHANGE 'Round Here!

In all honesty, it was not until God restored our marriage years ago that I was determined to be more open with my husband in many areas, SEX included. I began to communicate to him my desires, dreams, pleasures and we began to use new techniques and WOOOOOW, was I in for a shock!! Let me rephrase that. Was I in for a G-shock!

Whooodoggie! He hit the spot with a vengeance. I began to research Christian resources and we began to try new things. For too long we had been caught up in nonsense rules! I had thought it was improper to show a lot of passion between the sheets, was too concerned with messing up the bed, or having to wash the sheets that it lead to a life of ho-hum BORING SEX!

Try new things. All things! As long as it is safe, honors GOD and is acceptable with your spouse, then go for it! Lotions, oils, music, chocolate, whip cream….BRING IT ON!!

Many of you are nodding your head NOT because you can’t believe I have shared all of this, BUT because you too can relate to a ho-hum sex life and you have not been bold enough to reach out to a godly mentor, pastor or counselor for help. Let me be the first to say that it’s okay to reach out for help! There is no problem that doesn’t have GOD as part of the solution.

Keep Christ in the Center of Your Marriage! As Christians we need to understand that sexual intimacy in marriage is God’s design! That's right, not my design, not Oprah's design or even Dr. Oz, BUT God's design! It was created to be one of the most intimate acts with our spouse that we could ever experience.  Sexual intimacy needs to be consistent in marriage. I have said this before and I will say it again... my husband can send his laundry out to the cleaners, eat all of his meals out at a restaurant, confide his darkest secrets to a friend and in doing all of these things he can still be in the will of God. BUT, if he has sex with anyone other than his spouse it is a sin! I am the only one who can meet his needs in this area. I now look at sex as an act of worship with my husband. We have learned that without Christ, our marriage is hopeless and that includes welcoming Him into every area of our marriage.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ~1 Corinthians 7:3 

The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but to his wife. ~1 Corinthians 7:4 

The Truth Shall Set You Free

I ain’t gonna lie to you or candy coat this! My husband and I are still learning and growing in this area. There are times that I am selfish and I give in to my own needs instead of my husband’s interest. I have to seek forgiveness in that area. Yet, I can truly say that my relationship with my husband and our intimacy is stronger than it ever has been in all the years of our marriage. Happy snuggling and here's wishing you a SEXcessful love life!

  IWM 2013 cc

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