The Secret of Marriage

This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE!   After eleven years of fighting, making up, life seeming good for a while...until Scott didn't live into my expectations, so we'd fight, then make up...I knew there had to be more to life. Surely there had to be more than this crazy cycle of highs and lows. We had an incredible little boy, beautiful house, great jobs, close friends, everything we'd dreamed our lives together would be. We were walking out the plan we had for our marriage and we should have been happy. Yet deep inside, there was something missing.


Author Laura Doyle of The Surrendered Wife is so close to getting it in the first part of chapter 23 Rely on a Spiritual Connection, as she describes the sense of peace in resting in God's sovereignty...which is certainly part of a relationship with God. But to fully experience marriage the way it was designed, you need a relationship with the God who created you, your spouse and marriage, and that He is the only source of power to live a life of joy and purpose. Laura Doyle missed the mark in this chapter- please don't create your own god...there is a very real God who created you and loves you.

God's Design for Marriage vs. Our Plan

God's design for marriage was that two people would become one and complete each other, yet in our desire to be independent, we reject his plan and pursue our own ways, separating ourselves from God and each other. Scott and I didn't know God's plan for marriage, we didn't seek it, and instead created our own performance based plan- you do your part, I'll do mine- where our motivation was based on how we felt. When we felt like loving each other,  things were good. When Scott came home late or I was disrespectful to him, and we focused on each other's weaknesses, we fought. Without God, we were on a path to isolation.

Don't Walk Through Marriage Alone

In the midst of this, God still pursues you, loves you, and wants you to be reconciled to Him. To do this, He sent Jesus Christ, His Son, to pay for your sins, restore your oneness with God, and to walk out life with you as your Brother, Friend, Counselor, Deliverer, Light, Life, Truth, Lord, Savior, Prince of Peace, and so much more. God drew me to Him as I realized that apart from Him, my life was empty and broken. The plans I had for my life were woefully inadequate and were dying under my control.

Are things right between you and God, with Him and His plan at the center of your life? Or is life spinning out of control as you seek to make your way on your own?

You can decide today to make a change. You can turn to Christ and allow Him to transform your life. All you need to do is to talk to Him and tell Him what is stirring in your mind and in your heart. If you've never done this before, consider taking the steps listed here:

Do you agree that you need God? Tell God.

Have you made a mess of your life by following your own plan? Tell God.

Do you want God to forgive you? Tell God.

Do you believe that Jesus' death on the cross and His res­urrection from the dead gave Him the power to fix your sin problem and to grant you the gift of eternal life? Tell God.

Are you ready to acknowledge that God's plan for your life is better than any plan you could come up with? Tell God.

Do you agree that God has the right to be the Lord and master of your life? Tell God.

Following is a suggested prayer:

"Lord Jesus, I need you. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I receive you as my Savior and Lord. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be."

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? If it does, pray it right now, and Christ will come into your life, as He promised.


It is only through a relationship with God that you will see the sin in your life, that you can truly forgive others and love others unconditionally. I prayed that prayer and submitted my life to Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior in 2003. It has been a journey of relinquishing control to God, who created everything and is sovereign over everything.

Did everything miraculously change over night back in 2003? No. In fact, life got crazier as I began to realize the consequences of our actions, learning of my husband's affair and coming to understand my part in breaking our marriage. But with God, I was empowered to walk through it, becoming more Christlike with each step, learning the truth of God's promises. He guided and continues to guide my steps, which I'm learning to joyfully take. You can listen to our journey here.

And that is the secret to marriage.

If you've chosen to give up your plan for your marriage and have surrendered your life and marriage to God today, tell someone. Tell a friend who is on this same path ahead of you, seek out godly friends to walk this choice out with you. Email me at, I'd love to pray and celebrate with you!

In case you've missed it, this post is part of a series following along with The Surrendered Wife. I'd strongly encourage you to pick up the book and read along! Catch up on the blog series now by reading: Control or IntimacyDid You Marry a Loser?, Chauffeur or VIP, Shhhh!, Crazy Resentful, Your Heart's Desire, You Bought a What?!Just Say Thank You, GirlfriendsButton Pusher, Expectations, Not a Mind ReaderSpace to WorkA Wife's Role, It's Okay to Say I Can't, Intimacy: Naked & Unashamed, If You Can't Say Something NiceLet Your Husband Be the Dad, ListenSeduce Your Husband, Say Yes to Sex and Not Every Thought is Your Own, and Halt, Pray, Speak Life.


Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy HERE.


We're linking up with some AMAZING bloggers…check out the links at the bottom right of the page.

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