For so many years of our marriage, I thought I had to have the answer for everything. Whether it was how to hang the bathroom light fixture to squeeze all of our 'to do' list into a Saturday, I took on the responsibility for all of it, asking my husband into the execution of my plan instead of the planning. And then we'd argue when he had ideas that were different than mine! Go figure!
In Chapter 24, Let Him Solve Some of Your Problems of The Surrendered Wife, author Laura Doyle reminds wives to value and honor their husbands' thoughts and ideas with practical examples. With the world telling women they can do it all without help, and as you hear that Proverbs 31 woman whispering in your ears, it is almost easy to believe the lie that you are supposed to be able to shoulder all this responsibility. Not true!
Husband & Wife: Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
You and your husband are on the same team. When you work together to plan and execute your plans, you both feel valued and your marriage is strengthened. When you, as a wife, take the time to share with your husband what you want/don't want, how you feel, and what your limits are, you enable your husband to be there ready and willing to solve problems on your behalf. Admitting that you don't know the answer for every situation opens the door to intimacy with your husband, drawing you together.
Your husband is a man, he doesn't think like you. He wasn't created to think like you. Aren't you glad? Men were created to see things from a different perspective than women...and that different thinking is likely part of what drew you together to begin with.
Pray about where you can invite your husband into a situation in your life. Share with him the situation, what you want and how you feel...and decide that you will:
Value His Ideas: Asking for your husband's solutions to affirm your own is setting the bar way too low. Share your challenge or trouble with your husband, listen carefully to him as he works toward a solution from his perspective, even if initially you don't like the idea. Express your desires and feelings to your husband about his plan, NOT arguing why your plan is better. Then pray, and let him execute his plan to solve your problem. Don't let the enemy dredge up past mistakes and failures that might sabotage your cheering your husband on. Be open to your husband's ideas, really hear him, and do not reject him or his ideas.
Honor His Ideas: Honoring his thoughts and ideas doesn't mean you can't have a conversation; it does mean that you don't argue with his thinking. It means you choose to defer to his thinking and solution, after you've expressed your desires and concerns about the situation. Honoring his ideas and deferring to your husband gives him the space to succeed and surprise you in ways he hasn't been able to before. I love that deferring to your husband is in such good company in 1 Peter 3 as a way to reverence your husband:
In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,
When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. ~1 Peter 3:1-2
Don't make every decision alone
When you said "I do," you covenanted to walk through life together for a greater purpose than your own happiness, and God drew each of your strengths together, that you would be more powerful and impactful together than you ever could have been separately, as two became one. Take steps toward each other and intimacy...together...by inviting your husband into your challenges.
Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him. ~Matthew Henry
In case you've missed it, this post is part of a series following along with The Surrendered Wife. I've got to say, as much as this book shocked me and moved me to surrender, I wish the author would embrace her Creator! I'd strongly encourage you to pick up the book, read along, keeping your bible close by! Catch up on the blog series now by reading: Control or Intimacy, Did You Marry a Loser?, Chauffeur or VIP, Shhhh!, Crazy Resentful, Your Heart's Desire, You Bought a What?!, Just Say Thank You, Girlfriends, Button Pusher, Expectations, Not a Mind Reader, Space to Work, A Wife's Role, It's Okay to Say I Can't, Intimacy: Naked & Unashamed, If You Can't Say Something Nice, Let Your Husband Be the Dad, Listen, Seduce Your Husband, Say Yes to Sex and Not Every Thought is Your Own, Halt, Pray, Speak Life and The Secret of Marriage.
It's time to declare 2014 will be DIFFERENT! Dove recording artist Sarah Groves, Beverly Weeks and I get intentionally candid about how you can be set free from your bondage in the name of JESUS! That's not all! We will have over 50 vendors on site with shopping, a concert and a TONS of PRIZES!!!! Tickets are on sale at www.bridgechurch.cc Bring your church groups! Bus and van parking is available!
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