There's a blog tour going on over at Happy Wives Club. And while I'm not a wife, I am
happy overjoyed to say I am married to the best one on the planet! She is truly a Proverbs 31 woman. She brings love, tranquility, and value (just to name a few of her awesome characteristics) into our home every day in so many ways - often unseen yet hopefully appreciated. One of the questions being asked by Happy Wives Club is:
"Why did you get married?"
So, here's this happy husband's stab at answering that...
The year of our marriage was 1991. The setting was Northwestern State University in Natchitoches (pronounced Nak-a-tish), Louisiana. We were sophomores in college and in love. So why not get married, right???
But to set it up a little more, let's go back to 1990, the week before our freshman year of college. Tiffany and I met one another in the music building - where we would spend a LOT of time over the next several years.
It was love at first sight. Her roommate, whom I'd just met and was interested in, introduced us. The three of us started hanging out together. I started following them around like a lost puppy, desperate for attention. I even gave myself a Mohawk because I thought it would be cool. And then Tiffany had to share a bench in class piano with this love-starved hormone-frenzied young man boy who was really more interested in her roommate than in her.
Falling in Love
Over (a relatively short) time, I lost interest in Tiffany's roommate. She was sweet enough, and we remain friends to this day, but we were just not on the same page. At all. However, as I began to know Tiffany, my attraction to her grew. And she
fell hard for me didn't tell me to get lost, so we kept hanging out. We genuinely enjoyed each other's company and over (a relatively short) time became good friends. Not dating yet, just friends. In fact, she even let me borrow her car to take another girl (not her roommate) out on a date. What a friend, huh! But the more I was around her, the more I liked her. I soon realized that I was truly falling for Tiffany.
Then it was quickly time for Fall Break. She went home to Oklahoma, I went home to Texas. I
missed her a little cried like a baby while we were apart. Our relationship blossomed over the next semester, and we knew we wanted to get married. Soon. The decision wasn't just emotional. It was also quite practical. We were both poor college students. Getting married would allow us to live in married student housing instead of our separate dorm rooms. And we would qualify for financial aide previously unavailable to us. Neither of us were well-off, but getting married would put us in the destitute category. So why not get married?! It was just the sensible thing to do.
Summer came, and again we
embraced the opportunity to grow as individuals spent the time apart in different states, rather miserable. We decided then that we would not allow another break in school to separate us. We bought engagement rings as soon as we returned to school that Fall. There was no reason NOT to get married.
Love with Me
We also both became familiar with the music of Keith Green during that summer, and both read No Compromise. I listened to his song Love With Me over and over again. We valued our friendship, and did not want to waste our youth. Why not get married?! And the words of the Apostle Paul (from 1 Corinthians 7) gave us further fuel: "But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." And did I mention I was a love-starved hormone-frenzied 19 year-old? It was better that we just got married because I was a hunk-a-hunk-a burnin' love.
So as the semester progressed, we picked a wedding date, and found ourselves sitting in our Pastor's office, asking him to preside over our marriage ceremony. Two music majors with no real plans for the future. But there would be no denying us. There would be no stopping us. His 'counsel' to us?
He asked us what we were going to do for money.
We had no
He asked us what our plans for the future were.
He then declared "Well I guess you'll just live on love. Come back and see me six months or so after you get married."
Living on Love Isn't Enough
Would I say this is the ideal marriage path? Not so much. The feelings of love faded. Selfishness took over. The natural drift toward isolation began to take its toll. We almost didn't make it. About 11 years into our marriage, we were in extreme isolation from one another, not just relational, but also living hundreds of miles apart. We thought it was over. But that's when, through an incredible string of circumstances, we finally gave up trying to do marriage our way and started seeking out God's blueprint for our relationship. That's when we finally started figuring out this thing called marriage wasn't really about us at all.
22 Years of Marriage, 12 of them happy
When people ask us how long we've been married, we often reply with something like "We've been happily married for over 12 years now - married 22." And the truth of that is a little sad. We lost some years. We did waste some of our youth. Even though we felt like we could justify why we were getting married, and even as we both claimed to have a good relationship with Christ, and even though we invited Him into our marriage, we really did not seek His plan for it.
Why did we get married? "For Love". How have we stayed married? Through seeking God's path for our lives and marriage. Would we recommend the route we took? Absolutely not. Has God used it for His purposes? Absolutely!
Why did YOU get married?
Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy HERE. FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember saved our marriage and continues to strengthen and transform it, it can change yours, too!
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