Recovery After An Affair: There is Hope

I could sense the fear in his eyes, as the tears began to flow down the side of his cheek. “You just don’t love me anymore, do you?” I selfishly ignored the question and continued to drown the sound of his trembling voice with the vigorous  roar of the vacuum cleaner. Frustrated, my husband snatched the cord from the wall and began to cry out, “Tell me, I have to know do you still love me?” I stood there callously, unmoved by his daunting words and then without thinking or even showing the slightest remorse I blurted out my reply: "I just don’t “feel” a thing!"

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Where Did We Go Wrong?

How had it come to this? We had both been raised in church all our lives, we taught Sunday School, sang in the choir, we could quote scriptures, we had the perfect “fake” smiles, yet everything in our lives was falling apart. Our marriage was crumbling right before our very eyes. In the weeks that followed, my husband was filled with sheer panic, anxiety, grief, the what if’s and the why’s. Yet no matter how much pain I caused him, he never once wavered in his stance on marriage….'til death do uspart.

One Saturday morning, as I glanced outside the breezeway window I could see him standing there with his shoes resting in his hands. His face showing signs of little rest, his eyes consumed with worry and fear, he waved his hand and motioned for me to come outside for a talk. “I want my family back, I miss my children, my home, and I miss you. Please, I beg of you, let’s go for counseling."

An Affair With Other Things

Our relationship was broken, there was no communication...it was dead, I had lost all feelings for him. You see, as a couple we had allowed our marriage to become the classic victim of an affair of other things. Our priorities were so out of line: kids, PTA, church activities, sports, other things that we simply did not take time for one other. If this makes any sense, we were merely living together as roommates. We had consumed ourselves in our careers, planning for the future, for our kid’s college, retirement, that we had clearly lost sight of God’s design and purpose for our marriage.

The Emotional Affair

My discontentment and coveting, sinfully spiraled out of control allowing me to be drawn into a web of deceit and leading to my being emotionally involved with another man. Yes, I Was That Prodigal Wife.

Putting The Pieces Back Together

Prayer. In all our years of being married, we had never taken the time to pray together, unless it was the dinner blessing and most of the time that was short, sweet and to the point so the food didn’t get cold!  I hate to say it, but this is not uncommon. Very few Christian couples actually take the time to pray together. I was recently shocked when I read that FamilyLife had surveyed thousands of Christian couples and found that fewer than 8% pray together on a regular basis. Prayer in marriage is the key to forgiveness, humility, honesty and restoration. I can honestly say it was the one thing that deepened our communication with each other and held us accountable to God.

Truly I say to you, whatever you shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst. ~Matthew 18:18-20

Godly Counsel. If you are struggling in your marriage and the advice that you are receiving is not Biblically based, and I mean godly instruction, it is like you are going into war in Iraq armed only with a water pistol. It will not work! Our Christian counselors were  able to suggest a vast numbers of books, magazines and marriage counseling resources that were dedicated to the subject of overcoming marital problems and improving communication in marriage. For the first time, we realized that the ultimate source for building a strong Christian marriage was found in reading the Bible.

Never Use the “D” Word. Never.

I’m not going to sugar coat this for you. It is never easy to face marital problems and deal with the pain and wounds that have been inflicted by a spouse having an affair. Yet through it all my husband and I were committed to working this out. We began to surrender ourselves and our marriage to God. Healing took place, trust was rebuilt, we took back what the canker worms tried to destroy and I can honestly say that years later our marriage is better than it ever was. I have learned that love is not a feeling, but it is a choice you have to make every day. In our home DIVORCE will NEVER EVER be an option.

Want to hear a story of hope? Sherry's marriage looked DEAD, her husband was living with his girlfriend...there was no indication God was moving her husband's heart at all...click here to listen.

 

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