“Answer me. Do you still love me?” I could sense the anguish and frustration in my husband’s trembling voice as he began to yell out and weep uncontrollably. I had not seen that look of distraught on his face since the day he had stood beside the grave site of his brother who had been unexpectedly taken away at such a young age. I glanced his way and proceeded to vacuum the floor, all the while ignoring my husband's question. Each time my sinful, self-seeking, desires had drawn my thoughts away from my commitment to my spouse and had left me blind-sided to the false hopes of finding affirmation and happiness from another man.
The Adulterous Heart
My cheating on my spouse never involved sex, touching, or even the slightest kiss. It didn’t have to. I had already committed adultery in my heart. It began with innocent text, emails, phone contact, running into each other at the same restaurant…At first I tried to justify the relationship by saying that “he was just a friend”. He was so easy to talk too, we could openly discuss the frustrations in both of our marriages, he seemed to understand just what I was going through…. The secretive conversations were followed by months of deleted text messages. It soon led to my coveting and desiring " the greener grass" that other married couples had. My ungodly fantasies led me to seeking a way out from my marriage.
We Prepared For This, and This, But Not THAT
Didn’t I deserve to be happy? I mean isn’t that what marriage is all about, my happiness? For years, my husband and I had been caught up in the affair of "things." We had gotten our priorities so out of line. We had anxiously prepared for kids, college, retirement, living debt free, we devoted all of our time to careers, PTA, civic groups, kids activities, church “stuff” that we had no energy left to invest in our marriage. If this makes any sense, we had gotten to the place where we were merely living together as roommates. We had prepared for this, this, and this and not "THAT!" I am reminded of the story of a spiritual attack on Job in the Bible. In Job 3:25, Job said, “That which I feared has come upon me.” You see Job had prepared for everything, he was wealthy, influential, had great things, a large family, but he had not anticipated the “that” to attack his family.
S.O.S. Tips for Moving Forward After An Affair
When there is admission or discovery of an affair everything begins to spin out of control. At times your world will seem like it is falling apart and crashing down around you. You can move forward and begin to make God honoring decisions that are in the best interest of you, your spouse, your marriage and your family.
For nothing is impossible with God. ~Luke 1:37
The word nothing in this scripture means even your broken marriage can be completely restored. We serve a powerful God!
Stop & Take Control of Your Thoughts - The enemy will jolt and attack your mind with the what ifs, why’s, the how could you, the blaming, the doubting, bitterness, anger, hurt… You will have to take control of your thoughts. Infidelity is a very difficult and painful situation. Can I just get real with you? For us, as a couple it involved all kinds of emotions. In all honesty, even for the Christian you might even find it can stretch your faith almost to the breaking point. The best thing to do is to "Turn all your worries over to Him. He cares about you" (1 Peter 5:7). Determine to let God be your comforter and allow Him to provide you with wisdom and direction on a daily basis.
Obedience to God – For the healing to take place my husband and I had to be willing to pray together, to hear one another’s hearts, and to offer forgiveness to one another. We cried, we read lots of godly resources, we cried even more and for the first time we realized that for the change to come to our marriage, it had to begin within our own hearts. Even though it was painful, I had to accept the responsibility for my actions and the gravity of what I had done to my family. My first step to reconciliation was to fall on my knees and repent to my God and then to seek forgiveness from my husband.
Surround Yourself With Godly Counsel – Is the advice being whispered in your ear, godly Biblical advice? If not, you need to RUN from it as fast as you can. When we hit this crisis in our marriage, there were all kinds of people wanting to offer advice. People who hardly even knew us...people who had been unsuccessful at honoring their own marriage covenants. Ask yourself, “Does this advice fit the character and nature of God as portrayed in the Bible?” In every area of our lives,we should always test to see whether the counsel we receive is true and honest, just, pure, loving, of good report and would glorify God.
It's Okay To Reach Out For Help
I'm not going to sugar coat this for you. There were hurt feelings and some pride issues that we had to lie down. My husband and I realized that it was o.k. to reach out for help and we recognized that in order for healing and restoration to continue we needed sound, Biblical, Christian Marriage counseling.
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. ~Proverbs 11:14
I am amazed at how GOD has completely redeemed our marriage. Years later, I can say our marriage is better than it has ever been. We have an emotional intimacy like never before. I love him more today than I did the day the we were married. Are you finding yourself in the fight of your life, struggling just to keep your marriage together? Whatever you may be facing, turn to Him as you face it because nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is impossible with God!
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