I'm holding nothing back from you It doesn't really matter what I lose Got a heart that's open I'm broken And I want you to know that Jesus, I don't want anything coming in between You and me Jesus, it doesn't matter what I have to go through I'm holding nothing back, nothing back from You.
When I heard that song this morning, I began thinking about this concept of holding nothing back.
Is it really possible to say "God, no matter what I go through--whether it be death of a loved one, divorce, separation, the deepest pain in my heart--NO MATTER WHAT, you can have it all."?
I believe the answer is yes.
Will it be easy?
Of course not.
There are troubles. Life is hard.
Sometimes, it's really, really hard--downright devastating.
But I believe there is truth in those song lyrics from Ryan Stevenson.
What are you willing to lose in order to give Jesus your whole heart? And I'm not just talking about the part of your heart that acknowledges that you want to trust God with everything or the part that says "I know God is in control." I propose that often we can say that we trust God or that we know He is in control, and that we can believe--sort of.
But true faith, true trust that God will make ALL things beautiful in time--even if that means we do not see the beauty on this earth--that is what I believe this song is talking about.
To go through the death of your parent or child and say "I'm holding nothing, not even this tragedy, back from you. Come into my pain, hold my broken and bleeding heart, and make it whole IN YOUR TIME, even if that means that I have to walk through that valley of death myself before I see it. God, I trust you. Not just in my head. But in my heart as well."
To suffer devastation and ruin in your marriage and say "It doesn't matter how painful this is. It doesn't matter how difficult it is to get through each day. I acknowledge that true healing and restoration begins with me, with my heart, truly trusting that You will heal and you will restore, IN YOUR TIME. Even if it means that I have to wait until I walk on the banks of Jordan to see your promise fulfilled, I will wait."
Sometimes it is so hard to trust God, because it's so incredibly easy to only see the pain. I know, as I have struggled with chronic pain for the last 5+ years, that it is so simple to look ahead and say "God, when are you going to take this pain away? When will you heal me?"
Recently though, I realized the flaw in that type of thinking. God revealed to me that it is foolish of me, and shows a great lack of faith, if I look ahead of TODAY for healing. If I am constantly focused on when God will restore His promise, I miss out on the beauty around me in this day. I can't focus on when or how. I have to focus on RIGHT NOW.
Where is my heart at with God? Am I focused on the pain and letting IT control me, or am I willing to say "God, I want you to heal my pain. But until you do, help me to keep my heart FULLY surrendered to you--not holding onto the pain and wishing it away. But trusting that in YOUR time, you will heal. Even if it means that I endure this pain for the rest of my life, as long as You give me strength (which He always will!), I will focus on this moment, right now, with You. I will wait. And while I'm waiting, no matter how long it takes, my first and foremost thoughts and desires will be with living each moment in the shadow of Your wing."
I believe that sometimes God doesn't heal us completely because we get in the way. That true healing doesn't necessarily look the way we imagine it. That true healing of my physical pain and my spine that tortures me every moment of the day may not be the actual removal of the pain.
Trust through the Trouble
I want to propose that true healing started when I acknowledged that God may not take my pain away when and how I want. But that I trusted that He had all the strength that I lack and so desperately need.
If you have been praying and waiting for healing, take a moment to consider if your heart truly believes what your head knows. Are you willing to follow God to your dying day, trusting that you may not see His promises fulfilled while you live on this earth? I know that it is hard and weighty. That each step you take may be exhausting. But God is longing for you to surrender whatever it is that you try to keep even just a little part of. You can't truly trust God by still holding on more tightly to your marriage or your job, or whatever else makes life difficult. True faith is walking each moment with God, letting Him carry you through the pain, regardless of whether healing comes the way that you expect it to.
For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! ~ 2 Corinthians 4:17
And in light of the Cross, and the fact that we will one day meet this Jesus we love, how can we not be filled with hope and joy? There is something SO MUCH BETTER waiting for us on "the other side." Jesus stands there, waiting to run and meet us as we cross from death to TRUE LIFE one day.
These troubles are only temporary.
Heaven is eternal.
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