I could hear the music playing on the overhead speakers. I began to fidget with my wedding ring, sliding it back and forth upon my index finger while anxiously waiting for the attorney to enter the room. The songs were quickly muffled by raging thoughts of daunting questions… the what ifs, the whys, and of course, the feelings of conviction from my swift decision to file for separation. Could a temporary separation save our marriage? Would going through with this threat make my husband change, and deep down did I truthfully even want my marriage to be saved? After all, I was already finding myself emotionally attracted to another man.
What had led me to this pivotal point of thinking that this meeting with the lawyer was my only recourse? I mean, I knew better. I had been raised in church all my life, I had heard how God hates divorce. Would this mean that now He would hate me?
The Death of Our Marriage
Our marriage relationship was crumbling. Our priorities had gotten so out of line with kids, careers, church, activities, community service, and committees that it felt like my husband and I were merely living together as passing roommates.
My selfish desires and coveting, that greener grass syndrome, had only left me longing for what other couples had. I had found myself becoming intrigued with another man and I no longer had the will or the want to make my marriage work. Communication within our marriage had stifled and our conversations had led to bitter words, harsh, abrupt shouting matches, and had often been followed by the sounds of screeching car tires.
Our marriage was dead. As a matter of fact, it was “Lazarus been in the grave three days stankin’ dead!” I was flirting with sin and my husband was feeling defeated and frustrated from not being able to control our circumstances. In the eyes of the world, it appeared that our marriage was over.
You might reading this right now and you can relate. You, too, have found yourself in the middle of this crazy cycle and you wonder if things can or will ever get better. BUT let me assure you when GOD steps on the scene EVERYTHING changes.
The thief has come to steal, kill and destroy. I have come so that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. ~John 10:10
C.P.R. For A Dying Marriage
C- Communicate, Confess & Commit: Not only had areas of trust been broken within our marriage, but we found ourselves dealing with an array of feelings. There was unresolved hurt, bitterness, anger, my desire to be loved, his desire to be respected... In order for the healing to take place in our marriage, I first needed to confess my sin, including my emotional involvement with another man. I cried out for forgiveness not only to my husband, but to God.
There could be no more lies, there would be no room for hidden text, emails, or secrets. My husband and I held each other as we wept. For the first time we listened to one another like never before,and we cried even more. The tears were followed by forgiveness that was sought and generously granted on both sides.
From that day forward we committed to each other to NEVER again allow the divorce word to enter our vocabulary. Most importantly, we recommitted our marriage to God by determining in our hearts to make our marriage the priority it was meant to be and keeping Christ in the center of our relationship. Those healing tears have been followed by years of new life and laughter.
P- Pray Like Never Before: I remember sitting on the end my bed one night with my head buried in between my trembling hands. I began to shout out to God my deepest, most secretive, inner thoughts. Oh God, I feel so ashamed. How could I have allowed myself to be attracted to another man. Father, forgive me. Lord, repair my broken marriage and heal the wounds that I have caused our two children. God minister to our family, take away the hurts, calm the fears, and ease the pain that no one but You, Lord, can fathom that we are feeling….
Can I tell you that there is POWER when you call on the name of Jesus?! Through prayer, couples draw closer to God, angry hearts are softened, wisdom is granted, trust is rebuilt.
R- Reach Out: Why is it that we as Christians tend to isolate ourselves when we are going through a struggle or under a spiritual attack? Isolation is a deadly tool in the hand of the enemy. For so long we were guilty of being plastic Christians. We never once reached out for counseling in our past. Maybe it was the fear of sharing our intimate details with a complete stranger.
There were times I felt dysfunctional, like we were the only couple with issues. I allowed Satan to attack my mind with doubts and feelings of worthlessness.
Listen to me and receive this in the name of Jesus: It’s okay for Christians to reach out for help. My husband and I sought the help of godly counselors who in turn placed in our hands godly resources, and held us biblically accountable for decisions within our marriage. AND as if that was not enough, God said I am not only going to bring that marriage back to life, but I am going to use your story to give hope to others that need a touch of that same resurrection power in their marriages!
My friend, He raised up Lazarus from the grave, His resurrection is the reason we celebrate EASTER. If He can conquer death surely my GOD has the power to breathe NEW life into your marriage or whatever circumstance in your life the enemy has set ought to destroy.
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