What To Do When Your Marriage Is Falling Apart

His voice began to break as he shouted above the roar of the blaring vacuum cleaner. “Tell me, I have to know, do you still love me?” I ignored the impending question. His tone became stronger, and the look of fear and concern became more evident in his temples and tear filled brown eyes. My selfish desires had led me to a life that was flirting and dabbling with secret sin. I looked up at my husband and blurted out, "I just don’t feel a thing…"How had we become so distant? Our marriage was falling apart; it had become a relationship filled with disrespect, mixed up priorities and poor communication. We had been so engrossed in our careers, kids, and invested our time, energy and efforts into everything and everyone except our floundering marriage.  We had grown complacent, distant, fallen prey to the enemies distractions, and reached the point that we were merely living together as roommates.

falling apart
falling apart

For so long I had secretly longed for my husband’s affection, a gentle kiss, hug or even a whispered, I love you. My husband’s not understanding or meeting my needs, lingering insecurities, and my distant relationship with God, had left me harboring bitter feelings, unforgiveness, compressed hurts, and raw emotions. Our marriage had become stale, broken, and lifeless...it was falling apart.

R.O.A.D. To Restoration when your marriage is falling apart

Maybe you find yourself there... traveling on that same broken road that my husband and I were on years ago. Devastation surrounds you, it’s threatening your marriage, and you feel as if you can’t take it anymore. Perhaps it’s the pain of an emotional or sexual affair that has been exposed, the perversion of pornography, the hurts from lies, disrespect, an addiction, a conflict with in laws, children, finances… the list goes on.

My marriage was falling apart

What do you do when your marriage is falling apart, being swallowed up by the waves of doubt, fear, and dishonesty or even haunted by assumptions, and the threat of  separation or even a divorce looms within your relationship?

R- Repent & Realize: Repentance has to come before restoration can take place in any relationship. My husband and I both had to seek forgiveness first from God and then from each other. You see according to the word of God, forgiveness is not optional.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ~Colossians 3:13

Realize that this is not a fight against your spouse, but it is very much an all out spiritual warfare that the enemy has raged in an effort to destroy your marriage, family and your home. That arrogant, pesky, slimebag Satan would like nothing more than to invade your home, create confusion, cause busyness, and put a wedge between you and your spouse. He wants to rock the very core of your marriage sending it hightailing off its foundation.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. ~Ephesians 6:12

O- Obedience to God:  A marriage will not succeed without first maintaining your individual relationships with God. This obedience comes through  prayer, knowing the Word of God, seeking godly counsel and resources, and reaching out to friends who will hold you accountable.

A- Affirm you spouse: It's time to stop tearing one another down! Be slow to speak quick to listen, slow to anger.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,   James 1:19

D- Determine to stand for your marriage: Don't base your reactions on what you see or feel. Determine that come hell or high water, high winds or the point of destruction that you will stand for your marriage in obedience to God, and you will not give up, give in, give out or give over ' til healing takes place. As long as you are breathing, there is hope. Our God is still raising the dead to life, and that includes YOUR marriage! And your friend's marriage. Will you stand with us?

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!

I will not give up, give in, give out or give over ’til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words… in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad…so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down ’til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous… nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing, nor will I seek to lower God’s standard, twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word, violate God’s covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God’s faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up ’til my marriage is healed.

- Author Unknown

Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 organization committed to sharing God's truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support!