"Why would God want this for me? Why should I have to take the first step if it’s my spouse and not me with the problems? It’s not fair.”
Marriage is not fair, that is what Heaven is for. Heaven is the place where all life’s unfairness will be made fair. It is imperative in our walk with Christ, our spouse and others that we set aside our expectations of “fair” and choose instead to take the steps that will change our hearts, lives, marriages and legacies.
Want to talk about fair? Jesus Christ was the only sinless and innocent person who walked the planet, yet He took the guilt, shame and sin of every human being, past, present and future upon Himself. He was punished for all the things HE didn’t do so that we could receive the forgiveness we don’t deserve and cannot earn. As we celebrate Christmas and Jesus coming to earth, stepping into time and a suit of flesh, we've got to see through the manger to the cross.
He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. -2 Corinthians 5:21
Since Jesus willingly embraced this unfairness to pursue relationship with us, how then can we not be compelled to eschew what the world views as fair for relationship with our spouse? When we extend that grace that we received from Christ when we didn’t deserve it to our spouse when he/she doesn’t deserve it, doors to reconciliation are opened. We, like Jesus, are then putting down our 'rights' and choosing to walk out our responsibilities, just as Jesus did when he chose to be born a baby and when he cried out to his Father in the Garden of Gethsemane.
If we got what is fair on this side of heaven, we’d be doomed to live outside of God’s grace in the pigsty of our sin forever.
So for now, fair is a place to show pigs. And your marriage is a great place to show the hurting world around you how to love when that's the last thing you feel like doing.
Will you take the first step, lay down your rights and take up your responsibility to pursue your spouse?
A great book to read to walk you through softening your heart and loving when you don't feel like it is The Marriage Miracle by Bob & Cheryl Moeller.
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