It was the million dollar, unexpected, kids say the darndest things question, that in all my years of motherhood, I had tee-totally not prepared myself for. To make things even worse, I was standing there with the dreaded bed head, absolutely no makeup, no Spanx, no peanut butter or dark chocolate to grab for refuge, and not an ounce of caffeine in sight. I leaned against the counter in my camisole and gazed into the vanity mirror. The words that my naive little 8-year-old had so innocently just blurted out seemed to resonate in my ears, knock my Betty Bouffant bangs down, viciously attack my insecurities, and haunt me like a growling stray dog.“Mama, how come most people’s muscles go up on top of their arms, but yours fall to the bottom?”
At that very moment there was not one ounce of vanity left anywhere in my body. In all honesty, I felt completely unattractive. My entire disposition and personality began to change. For the rest of the morning, I was guilty in the first degree of the sinful woe is me sulking. The enemy had me right where he wanted me.
Falling Prey To The Comparison Trap
Have mercy, this is the part where the southern girl gets real. I can hear someone now chuckling around the water cooler as you shout out, “She ain’t right. Bless her heart!”
You see I had allowed Satan to attack my mind and suck me into the violent trap of the comparison syndrome. Oh, if I only had her legs, or her figure, her smile, her tan, her arms... my attitude led to a gloomy morning. It affected the way I reacted toward my husband when he tried to touch me or even compliment me.
I’m Not The Only One
Sadly, over half of the women reading this post would say that they don’t feel beautiful. I get angry and foot stompin’, gray hair turning mad that we, as women, have allowed the world’s standard of beauty to become our standards, determine our self worth, and the way we feel about ourselves. Ouch, here I go, stepping all over my toes!
Yes, I admit that I, too, have been guilty of being held captive by the enemy's lies, the mind boggling, thought provoking, you just don't measure up untruths straight from the pits of hell!
I remember once being on the computer and I could not help but stare at some of the photos on a friend's Facebook page. Never mind that this individual was much younger than me, I just kept thinking about how incredibly beautiful she looked and how she appeared to have it all together. Tan skin, wavy thick brown hair, absolutely no wrinkles, fine lines, or circles and not one thing on her appeared to sag or drag. I bet the word cellulite had never even been introduced in her vocabulary. I found myself being entrapped in envy and falling prey to the sinful coveting and comparison syndrome.
You know placing our self-worth in the world’s standards is one of the very reasons we as wives have allowed ourselves not to feel beautiful. Just walk through any checkout line at the supermarket. Everything is airbrushed, cropped, chopped, photoshopped and blemish free. Ladies, it’s fake and we allow it to depict our sense of beauty. We compare our worst days to someone’s best.
Insecurities In The Bedroom
In my past, I have been guilty of allowing my insecurities to dictate my intimacy within my marriage. For so long, I was uncomfortable with my husband seeing me unclothed, or even touching me unless the lights were turned out.
Ladies, my husband can send his laundry out to be dry cleaned, have dinner at a restaurant, confide his deepest secrets with a buddy, and in doing all these things he is still in the will of God. If my husband has sex with anyone other than his wife he is in sin!
I was so insecure in who I was in Christ that I allowed the enemy to have that stronghold in my life. Our husbands want to be intimate with us. They desire that affirmation from their wife.
Set Your Heart Free
How does one break away from this bondage? I have tearfully come to recognize that it is only through the earth rattling, life changing power of Jesus Christ and through fervent prayer that you can be delivered.
There are days that I have to begin my morning by taking control of my thoughts and saying,"God today I am struggling in this area and I need You to help me. Father help me to be content, and remind me that I am fearfully and wonderfullymade.”
You see, this wife has put her stake in the ground, and I refuse to let Satan toss darts of insecurities as a means to interfere in my marriage. There is a verse that I have grown to cherish ….
Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee... ~Jeremiah 1:5
How awesome is that? My God loves me not because of what I am, or what I’ve done, or what size I am, but because of Whose I am. I am HIS and he loves me and all my imperfections. I am beautiful: dimples, freckles, rounded hips, even my junk in the trunk... it was all fearfully and wonderfully made.
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