Growing up, my father knew everything and could fix anything- plumbing, electrical, carpentry, roofing, cars- you name it, he could do it. Yep, I grew up in Superman's house, watching him leap tall buildings and race with locomotives. So when Scott and I got married, I knew he couldn't possibly be Superman. Every time something required repair in our house, I would tell Scott he couldn't fix it and that he needed to call my dad. And most times, Scott lived right into my negative expectations.
Living into MY expectation
Eventually he got to the point where he stopped trying to fix things because he knew I would just call my dad anyway. What if I had chosen words to encourage Scott and empower him, setting him up for success instead? It's the cork principle, really. A cork rises to the level of the liquid in a container. It’s the old expression “give a good man a good name and he will live up to it." Chapter 10 of The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle "Avoid Setting Up A Negative Expectation" calls wives to honor their husbands, not based on their husband as they are or what they are doing but based on who God has created them to become.
Proverb 31 is one of my favorite scriptures, defining the character of a Godly wife. Verses 11-12 reveals for wives the power their vision of their husband wields: The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest spoil]! She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. The outcome of her encouragement, faith, support and submission defined throughout this chapter is celebrated in verse 23: Her husband is known in the city’s gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. His wife believed in him. It’s the cork principle in action, and Solomon gives Godly women much of the credit. Wives, your perspective of your husband is important- it frames how he sees himself.
After all, did you marry a loser? No! You chose your husband above all others. Your words matter, and in Chapter 10, Laura shares practically that if you tell him he's going to screw up, he probably will. Instead, if you act as though you have faith in your husband (even if you don't) and you set positive expectations for your husband, he will strive to live into them.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right. ~Henry Ford
You've got a choice. You can speak to the prince or the punk in your husband, he will respond. I've seen what speaking to the punk in my husband brings...that led us to divorce in 2005. Since the redemption of or marriage, I make the choice lots of times a day to retrain myself to speak to the prince in my husband, because I want the prince to respond. And I've got a confession to make...I think when we remarried in 2007, I married Super Husband! At least that's what I tell him, and he's doing everything in his power to live into that. He wants to be my super husband, and he thinks he can do it because *I* think he can!
In case you've missed it, this post is part of a series following along with The Surrendered Wife. I'd strongly encourage you to pick up the book and read along! Catch up on the blog series now by reading: Control or Intimacy, Did You Marry a Loser?, Chauffeur or VIP, Shhhh!, Crazy Resentful, Your Heart's Desire, You Bought a What?!, Just Say Thank You, Girlfriends, and Button Pusher.
Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 organization committed to sharing God's truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Your donation is more than a tax deduction- it’s a tool to empower us to continue changing lives, marriages, and legacies. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support!