Expectations

Expectations

Growing up, my father knew everything and could fix anything- plumbing, electrical, carpentry, roofing, cars- you name it, he could do it. Yep, I grew up in Superman's house, watching him leap tall buildings and race with locomotives. So when Scott and I got married, I knew he couldn't possibly be Superman. Every time something required repair in our house, I would tell Scott he couldn't fix it and that he needed to call my dad. And most times, Scott lived right into my negative expectations.

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Button Pusher

Button Pusher

Are you a button pusher? Is your husband?You know what I'm talking about, it's that 'thing' you two just can't talk about without it becoming the biggest issue in the house, just short of exploding into World War III. And it may be over something as simple as pork rinds, how your husband chews his food, or the route you take to church.

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You Bought a...What?!

You Bought a...What?!

One night, as we were getting into bed, Scott told me he had bought a motorcycle that day using money from our retirement account to make the purchase. Needless to say, as the long term manager of our finances, I was speechless. I didn't even know what to say. We hadn't talked about it. We hadn't budgeted it. Sure, I knew he longed for one, but that was just a dream boys have...wasn't it?

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Chauffeur or VIP?

Chauffeur or VIP?

One summer weekend, when our son was three, I spent a weekend visiting friends, leaving my husband to be our son's primary care giver all weekend. Per usual, I'd written out all the detailed instructions for the proper care of our son- what to wear, what to eat, when to eat, sleep, play, a reminder of favorite things, everything. You know: the list. I even cleaned the whole house, precooked meals, and laid out clothes for our son. Imagine my surprise when I arrived home to a messy house, pizza boxes, and our son dressed in boxers, snow boots and a pajama top stomping in puddles in the backyard.

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Did You Marry a Loser?

Did You Marry a Loser?

My husband has an entrepreneur's spirit. He has always longed to own a business, to be his own boss, set his own schedule, and to own something bigger than himself. I, on the other hand, have always preferred to live knowing that someone else is responsible for making sure my paychecks will clear, confident that my hard work would be acknowledged and rewarded. And frankly, once upon a time, in the early years of our marriage, I would tell Scott that his ideas for owning a business were unrealistic...and yes...(I said it)...stupid.

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Proverbs 14: Weigh Every Word

Proverbs 14: Weigh Every Word

Yesterday I shared the jarring comments of a counselor, when God opened my eyes to how I had been mothering my husband. Although not kinds words, they were what God used to send me into His arms and Word, where I learned I had been destroying my husband and marriage with my words, tearing down my house with my own hands.

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Proverbs 13: Walk with the Wise

Proverbs 13: Walk with the Wise

When confronted with the knowledge of my husband's affair, I sought wise counsel. I poured my heart out to a Catholic counselor, explaining how heartbroken I was, sharing how I'd gotten to this desperate place of betrayal. She was fairly silent as I told our story. I remember one thing she told me that day... You’re not being his wife, you’re being his mother. No wonder he’s having an affair.

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Proverbs 12: The Wise Take Advice

Proverbs 12: The Wise Take Advice

Everyone has an opinion, and plenty of people around you have advice, usually unsolicited. What do you do with it all? Back when friends and family were learning of my husband's adultery, I got lots of advice. Most of it was for me to 'kick him to the curb' because he was a _________ (fill in the blank!). So I did a couple of things- I asked people not to talk about Scott that way, because I didn't want any bad seeds sown (after all, words frame our worlds!), and I pursued Jesus.

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Proverbs 8: Listen to Wisdom

Proverbs 8: Listen to Wisdom

When I learned of Scott's affair, I had decisions to make...and I could make them using the immediate information I'd just received and the feelings associated with it, or I could pray and get wisdom. It is so easy to make quick, rash decisions in the heat of the moment, especially in the midst of emotional situations, letting feelings make decisions. Instead, with the guidance of good, godly friends, I sought understanding and wisdom, seeking to know how we got in this situation. What path did we take in our almost thirteen years of marriage to arrive at this place, with my husband in a long term affair?

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Proverbs 6: Dangers of being Foolish

Proverbs 6: Dangers of being Foolish

When I was walking through Proverbs in 2004, I asked God to show me my husband through His eyes, and He showed me a foolish boy who had gotten into such a mess and didn't know how to come out of it like a man. Like in Proverbs 6:26-27, he was carrying hot coals close to his chest, walking through them, burning himself and didn't know how to stop.

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Proverbs 5: Warning About Adultery

Proverbs 5: Warning About Adultery

I confess, reading Proverbs 5 was tough eleven years ago, when my husband was entangled in adultery. It slowly became less painful when I chose to pray it into my husband, Scott's, life, calling forth things that were not as though they were. Then, and now, I also see the adulterous woman representing the enemy, luring us away from what God wants for our lives. He wants us to stay far from sin and temptations, and faithful to Him. What if you read Proverbs 5, replacing "adulterous woman" with "Satan"?

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Proverbs 4: Get Understanding

Proverbs 4: Get Understanding

It was in July 2004 that I learned my husband was having an affair and confronted him outside of his girlfriend's apartment. The reality of it all seemed overwhelming, like I was falling down the rabbit hole in the book Alice in Wonderland to some unreal place my life had become. I realized everything I *thought* I understood to be true was eroding.

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Proverbs 3: Trust

Proverbs 3: Trust

Is godliness practical? Often we hear people talking about wanting to be Christlike for heaven's sake- they've got their eyes on eternal life. But Jesus died for more than heaven! He died that we might live powerfully in the here and now, reaping rewards of a life lived for Christ in our relationships with those around us. Each day on earth is distinctly worth living. 

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