September 21 is our wedding anniversary and the date of our divorce. So we chose a new date for our new marriage together- Cinco de Mayo! Scott would tell you we celebrate with sombreros…don’t believe him. Cinco de Mayo—or the fifth of May—commemorates the Mexican army’s 1862 victory over France at the Battle of Puebla during the Franco-Mexican War (1861-1867). Did you know it’s a relatively minor holiday in Mexico? According to the History Channel, it is more highly celebrated in the United States, having evolved into a celebration of Mexican culture and heritage. The battle on May 5, 1862, was fought from sun up to sun down by a rag tag force of passionate men, was an upset for the favored and heavily provisioned French Army.

Although we didn’t intentionally choose to remarry on Cinco de Mayo for its significance in any way, it was pretty cool to learn about it afterwards. Scott and I were like those rag tag passionate men, but until we each submitted our lives to God, we were passionate about different and the wrong things, and we were losing the battle. Now we’ve got a new Commander in Chief, and we’re employing His battle plan in our lives and marriage.

In the past 22+/- years, we’ve learned a lot about ourselves, God, marriage, and the world. The track record from our years of marriage BC (before Christ) is an example of how not to be married, and we don’t want to forget those years, they remind us where we never want to be again. The redemption of our marriage is a lens through which we see those first twelve years, with God speaking to our hearts in His Word to live differently…and to share how to live differently with the watching world. We’ve learned a lot in the past 22+/- years. I’ve learned a lot.

So these are some of the things *I* have learned in our 22+/- years of marriage:

1. 1. God’s plan is better than yours.
2. 2. Get out of the way- stay on your face before God so the Holy Spirit can smack your spouse with the 2′ X 4′ of conviction.
3. 3. Prayer works.
4. 4. Less really is more. Except for respect…respect your husband more.
5. 5. Love God more than your spouse.
6. 6. Tithe. You can’t outgive God.
7. 7. Follow your husband wherever he leads, except into sin.
8. 8. Right time, right place, and right spirit make for the best discussions.
9. 9. Be a safe place: respond to his mistakes with compassion and kisses, not scorn.
10. 10.Be your husband’s #1 cheerleader.
11. 11. Enjoy the road less travelled (not knowing every detail of the way is okay).
12. 12. Close drawers and cabinets.
13. 13. If you’ve got a good marriage, pour into others.
14. 14. If you’re having trouble, get help.
15. 15. Live with your hands wide open.
16. 16. Couch time rocks.
17. 17. Parent together.
18. 18. Your attitude sets the mood of the house.
19. 19. Submission is freedom.
20. 20. Sarcasm kills a marriage.
21. 21. I need my husband’s protection; often from myself.
22. 22. Sex is AWESOME! As God intended, it can be the closest thing to experiencing heaven on earth!
23. 23. Scott’s plan is often better than mine.
24. 24. Except when mine is better.
25. 25. God’s plan is still better than both of our plans.
26. 26. With my husband is my favorite place on the planet.
27. 27. Especially if he’s somewhere with palm trees.

This is just the tip of the iceberg…I could have gone on and on and on with everything I’ve learned and am still learning. And just because I’ve learned these things doesn’t mean I’ve mastered any of it. I’m a work in progress!

Scott will have to write his own list to share…I’m sure it looks a little different than mine.

What have you learned?

We’re linking up with Yes They Are All Ours, Becoming His Eve, Marriage Mondays, Matrimonial Monday, Time Warp Wife,  The Better Mom, Marriage Moment, Messy Marriage, Wifey Wednesday, and No Ordinary Blog Hop!

Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God’s truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support! 

Related posts:

I Learned Love is Not A Feeling, It’s a Choice STOP! We’re not taking one more step! Be Still and Know

If you do not stand firm in your faith,

you do not stand at all.

(Is. 7:9)

Six years ago I would have told you I had a good marriage.  We had the normal issues of every couple, but I knew I was loved, that we were committed to each other, and that God was a central part of our lives.  At least, that’s what I thought I knew.  It all changed one day as the word divorce was introduced into our 12-year marriage.

Everything I thought I knew and believed about this man began to crumple the moment he first uttered that option.  I fought to understand where this was coming from, and how I could have become so detestable in his eyes that he’d ever consider throwing away what God had blessed us with. I desperately appealed to his common sense… and to the commitment to God’s precepts I believed he held. But, what I discovered instead was an immovable force that made very little sense – the power of the human mind to drag a man away from everything he once held dear, and cause him to fully justify it.

As Christians, most of us have been taught that there is an unseen world – beyond viruses and bacteria — that affects the seen world.  We know that Satan prowls like a lion seeking whom he may devour.  We know our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against an evil force we can barely wrap our minds around. Hearing the word spiritual warfare conjures up images of flannelgraph Roman soldiers with each piece of armor labeled truth, righteousness, peace, faith, salvation, or word of God according to Ephesians 6.

We know we’re in a fight for our souls, that eternity hangs in the balance, and that what we do matters.  We swing our sword every direction hoping to take down the enemy.  We thump our Bibles and point fingers at all the wrongs around us.  We pray hard and hope desperately that Satan might be afraid of us enough to move on to bother someone else, preferably someone we think “deserves” it. But, when what seems to be happening in our lives doesn’t feel good, and no amount of “living right” seems to make it better, waves of despair, resignation, weariness and fatigue threaten to undo us.

We seem to miss a key part in our role in the fight:

 “…after you have done everything, stand firm.”

(Eph. 6:13)

After you have done everything you could do, just stand firm. When nothing seems to be happening, stand firm.  When you are overwhelmed, stand firm. When the world is crumbling around you, stand firm.  When it doesn’t make sense, stand firm.  Even if you can’t see, can’t plan it out, work it out, or shake it out, stand firm.  The foundation of everything is to stand firm — on the truth that God is God, and He purposes to redeem the lives of His creation.

Standing isn’t just about remaining resolute in the midst of a season of suffering.  It’s about remaining a testament of God’s grace until the end, when you are presented to Christ.  It’s not about forcing change in the circumstances of your life; it’s about allowing God to change your heart in the midst of them.  It’s not hinged upon a spouse, a child, a job, or a dream; it’s anchored to a Hope that does not disappoint.

Standing amounts to total surrender to God, no holds barred, no conditions, no demands.   Not standing amounts to waving the white flag in the enemy’s camp.  In the case of my own marriage,  like a teenager I mistakenly believed we were invincible and that standing loosely was good enough to protect us.  But, Satan NEVER misses an opportunity to sneak in quietly and gently lead the unsuspecting soul to the slaughterhouse.

The experience has forced me to fiercely evaluate the footholds I was responsible for allowing Satan to have in our marriage.  And it has also caused me to firmly question my own faith. Either God is big enough to protect, provide for, and deliver… or He isn’t.  And how we stand ultimately reveals which part of that we believe.

We’re linking up with Yes They Are All Ours, Becoming His Eve, Marriage Mondays, Matrimonial Monday, Time Warp Wife,  The Better Mom, Marriage Moment, Messy Marriage, Wifey Wednesday, and No Ordinary Blog Hop!

Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God’s truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support! 

Related posts:

Really, God? Trusting GOD with Broken Finances Testing or Trusting God?

My grandfather, my Spiritual advisor, had failed everyone, and messed up BIG time!  Are you ready for this?  He committed adultery……with a member of the CHURCH he was PASTORING.  To make matters worse, my grandparents had been married longer than this woman had been alive!  Ultimate betrayal!  How could he do such a thing? 

For eighteen years, Granddaddy was my world, the apple of my eye.  I loved and trusted him so much! Suddenly I found myself in a difficult situation.  I began questioning my whole life.  Was my life a lie?  Where was God at now?  Had he abandoned us all?  I had seen people healed, heard and experienced God’s delivering power only to now question its total existence.  Is everything I have ever known and believed a lie?

Questioning God is never a comfortable place to be and as a college student, I RAN far away from God and my crumbling family.  I remember feeling so ashamed because of all the gossiping of the “Christians”.  I couldn’t even go to church without receiving glares of disappointment towards my entire family.  I felt abandoned and unloved to the point that thoughts of ending it all entered my mind. 

Why live if my whole life was a lie?  Who was I anyway?  I even dropped out of college…well, sort of; I actually purposely flunked out so my parents couldn’t make me go back!  No one understood why my life was affected so much from this situation.

May I be open and honest with you?  Emotional or physical affairs, constant fighting, and divorce affect your family and your legacy in ways you can never imagine.  Your children, grandchildren, friends, church, and everyone in your circle of influence are affected by your decisions and reactions to what is going on around you.

No matter the struggle, your actions and responses matter! When times get rough and everything seems to be falling apart around you, your decisions speak volumes.  When you decide to run away, you are saying to everyone around you that your circumstances are too big for God to handle.  You are teaching that when times get rough, the solution is throwing up your hands in defeat and running away.  What kind of legacy does this leave?  What kind of hurt and confused emotions are you passing down to those in your circle of influence?

We are called to be Christ-like.  Christ freely gave His life so that we can be forgiven and he freely gives that forgiveness with no strings attached.  We should display the beauty and love of Christ in every situation.  Christ has never thrown up his hands and walked out on us when times got rough.  He comes along side us and shows us grace, love, and understanding.  We just have to trust in Him and His Divine plan.

When everything is falling apart and the only answer you see is to run away, I urge you to focus on these things:

Rest in the arms of God and His promises.  Instead of questioning Him in these times of heartbreak; take refuge in Him.  Stand tall and allow Christ to be your DEFENSE.  Trust me, He has great things in store for you.  Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Guard your heart and your actions.  Everything you do flows from your heart!  Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Think before you speak!  Ask yourself these questions:

Am I speaking life or death into this situation? Proverbs 18:21  says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Are my words and actions displaying the image of Christ?  Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Remember, your life affects many and we are all leaving a legacy.  Is your legacy positive or negative?  Are we showing those around us the image and love of Christ?  We are the only Jesus some people will ever see.  We are ancestors of those to come, we are shaping our family, our community, and our world with each decision we make!

We’re linking up with Yes They Are All Ours, Becoming His Eve, Marriage Mondays, Matrimonial Monday, Time Warp Wife,  The Better Mom, Marriage Moment, Messy Marriage, Wifey Wednesday, and No Ordinary Blog Hop!

Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God’s truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support! 

Related posts:

I Was That Prodigal Wife when your fairytale falls apart Trusting GOD with Broken Finances

My thirteen year old son did not know whether to laugh or run, but at that time I knew that God was leading me to have the faith to gather my family around our mailbox to pray for some BOLD things to happen in our home. Earlier that week I had been forced to leave my job because of circumstances beyond my control. At the same time, my husband and I had been praying that God would open new doors for ministry. I just could not comprehend that leaving my job so quickly could even be a part of God’s plan. On top of that my boss had written a letter to deny the unemployment.

Just being candid, at that time anxiety and worry began to kick in full force. My mind was being attacked by the “what if’s”, darts of fear and the how would we financially make it questions. I had no other choice but to say GOD, I need you to STEP onto the scene!

Have you ever been in a situation so desperate that you knew, that without a doubt, there was NO way out BUT GOD?

My husband and I gathered our children around that mailbox and we prayed and cried out to God for what seemed like an hour. “Father, You own the cattle on a thousand hills, the wealth in every mine and we are asking You to have mercy on Your children. God, we need You to take control of the situation with the unemployment and have financial favor on our family. We know You did not bring us this far into the ministry for us to fail!” We even started to pray for the junk mail. That’s right! I knew that God could bless us with coupons and promotions to help lower our expenses.

A few weeks passed. One morning, I was online paying our bills when I stopped to look at the balance in our account which was puzzling! How could I have paid the bills and still  have money in the account? I immediately called up our bank to speak with a service rep to explain the situation.  She explained that the money was “real,” and yes, it was ours. The Employment Security Commission had direct deposited a check into our account! I broke out in tears! The service rep probably thought I had lost my mind, so I explained to her how God had not only showed up, BUT showed off and that this was a result of our family praying some mighty BIG BOLD prayers. We were having church right there on the telephone!

Not only did God reverse the decision with the unemployment, but friends His favor did not stop there. We received a statement from childcare and I was keenly aware that I would need to pay $500 for their services for that month. The invoice read that we had previously overpaid and they owed us money! How awesome is that?

Let’s not forget the prayer for the junk mail…within days I opened two letters from an insurance company to shred and looked inside. I broke out in a  glory dance for JESUS, there were two unexpected refund checks!! That glory dance caused me to bruise a few  things and swing a hip or two out of place but that is a whole notha’ devotion! For a while I felt no pain, I just knew MY GOD had heard my cry and he had come through!

God had it all under control even before we breathed the first word of those prayers. He just needed me to have the faith to trust HIM to work this out.

Are you in the middle of a crisis? Is it your broken finances, a broken marriage, illness, a prodigal child? My heart breaks for the many couples we have spoken with just in this last year who are struggling in their marriage because of financial hardships. Friend, there will be times that you just have to fall to your knees, cry out to God, saying,” Lord for the mortgage, for the car payment, for the credit card bills, doctor bills, whatever it is… GOD, I trust You!”

“Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.” I Peter 5:7

We’re linking up with Yes They Are All Ours, Becoming His Eve, Marriage Mondays, Matrimonial Monday, Time Warp Wife,  The Better Mom, Marriage Moment, Messy Marriage, Wifey Wednesday, and No Ordinary Blog Hop!

Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God’s truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support! 

Related posts:

Testing or Trusting God? Really, God? Bound, Broken, and Delivered

Sherry and I are FamilyLife Mentors, having gone through the training offered on the website, and have since trained others as mentors. We asked ourselves what would happen if we applied the FamilyLife Mentoring principles to our marriage, and realized it’s a great PRACTICAL way to strengthen our marriage every day. And to make it even easier, FamilyLife created an acronym to help us remember the steps: PLACE.

Your PLACE or mine? Let’s talk about PLACE in our marriage:

Pray: Praying together and for each other is one of the most important things we can do. In marriage, praying together is one of the most intimate things you can do together as a couple. It’s like being back in the Garden of Eden, naked and unashamed before God, sharing with Him what is on your heart. You’ll learn the concerns and desires of each other’s hearts, plus your prayers are powerful; God acts on them as soon as you speak them! (Husbands: Wives think praying husbands are sexy. Just sayin’.) Don’t think it’s important? Check James 1:5.

Listen: Think about the last person who REALLY listened to you. What specific things made you feel heard? Eye contact, appropriate responses, genuine concern, not interrupting or fixing the problem. With the high paced world filled with gadgetry, we have to compete with screens (computers, phones, tablets, televisions) for undivided attention. SO, turn off and put down anything with a screen, sit next to or across from each other, and really listen. Being heard is such a great validation that we matter! I love how Proverbs 18:13 tells us the danger of answering before listening: Answering before listening is both stupid and rude. Ouch!

Ask: When we ask each other good, open ended questions, we’re confirming that we heard each other, and it will foster more conversation and sharing. Men, this generally comes easy to our wives, and this is something they CRAVE from us- both the questions and the conversations. So spend time together getting to the heart of matters, and getting to each other’s hearts, by asking good, open ended questions. Check out Proverbs 20:5.

Consider: So often, in the day to do of marriage, you just tell each other what the best solution is. What would happen, if instead, you considered biblical truths and what the Word of God says about your situations? What if you pondered and meditated on God’s Word before you acted? Sherry and I have made some of our best decisions when we’ve considered God’s Word, which led us to do something outside of both our characters and comfort. Straight from Isaiah 1:18.

Encourage: We all need help to see the hope before us, to remind us that we are who God says we are and we can do what He says we can do. Sherry knows that when she encourages me, I can move mountains. And I know when I cheer Sherry on, she will take bolder steps for Christ. THAT will change your marriage.  1 Thessolonians 5:11

Okay, it’s not really a matter of your place or mine- God has ordained that it is BOTH our places to Pray, Listen, Ask, Consider and Encourage each other. With that said, you are responsible for you, so we challenge you to share this with your spouse, then walk it out. You can’t make your spouse do this, but you can take the bold steps of applying your PLACE in your marriage! Watch what God does when you do this!

Which of these is the most difficult for you? The most natural? Join the conversation!

We’re linking up with Becoming His Eve, Marriage Mondays, Matrimonial Monday, Time Warp Wife, The Life of a Not So Ordinary Wife,  The Better Mom, Marriage Moment, Messy Marriage, Wifey Wednesday, and No Ordinary Blog Hop!

Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God’s truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support! 

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FRIDAY FIVE: Rearview Mirror and Windshield Words Matter How did I not know?

My mom wrote the book on KEEP CALM. Maybe it’s the filter of 20+ years of life or the experience of parenthood, but I can’t remember a single instance where she responded to a situation in fear or anger. Her response to every crazy thing I’d ever brought to her for guidance was thoughtful silence, then some form of productive guidance.

Two particular instances stand out in my mind…

Early in fifth grade, I was having a TERRIBLE time with fractions. So I decided that since I was in the top of the class and had the privilege of checking my answers with the teacher’s key, I would skip the hard work of learning these skills and take advantage of the answer key. It was a great plan until I was faced with the end of lesson TEST. The night before the test, my stomach in knots (wasn’t sure if I was more afraid of telling my mom I had been cheating, or of getting a failing grade on the test!), my mom sat on my bed with me and crying, I confessed everything to her. Her response (as I remember it, anyway) was a thoughtful silence, a hug, and a question.

What should we do about this?

The answer was obvious, even to a scared fifth grader. But she encouraged me to think it out, to share my plan with her, and then she offered to walk it out with me. She loved me and empowered me through it, not making my decisions for me. And the lesson I learned? Well, I ended up learning several, including fractions.

The second time that stands out in my mind this morning is when I was preparing to fly to Key West to spend winter break with with them. It was planned as a family vacation. I called her a couple days before to let her know that only our son and I would be vacationing with them because I’d learned my husband was having an adulterous relationship. I explained to her that Scott would be moving out while I was in Key West. Her response was a thoughtful silence and a question.

What would you like us to do?

In a time that I knew her heart was breaking for me, she was so strong. My answer to her was simple, although I know she knew what I would say…love me through it and listen when I can talk about it. They were prepared to do so much more if I’d needed it. I’m so grateful she didn’t pass judgement on our situation or give advice. Like in the fifth grade, she loved me and empowered me through it, not making my decisions for me.

Her example carried me through the first part of my marriage and parenting, leaving the door wide open for the Word of God to cement the understanding of God’s peace, or Shalom, that surpasses all understanding.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:7

Shalom means completeness, wholeness, health, peace, welfare, safety soundness, tranquility, prosperity, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, the absence of agitation or discord. (from Strong’s Concordance)

I love that His peace is powerful and protective, and how God positions it to “stand guard at the entrance of your heart and mind, as it dominates your mind and controls your life,” as Rick Renner describes it in his Sparkling Gems. There is such power in letting that peace dominate your heart and rule your life, knowing beyond knowing that God is sovereign in every situation in your life, using opposition and pain to refine and strengthen you.

Mom, I love you, and I hope you have an amazing Mother’s Day. You are a remarkably strong woman, I’m so grateful for the way you have always loved and empowered me…thank you for that gift you gave me, I pray I’m loving and empowering my son well!

How did your mom love and empower you?

We’re linking up with Becoming His Eve, Marriage Mondays, Matrimonial Monday, Time Warp Wife, The Life of a Not So Ordinary Wife,  The Better Mom, Marriage Moment, Messy Marriage, Wifey Wednesday, and No Ordinary Blog Hop!

Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God’s truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support! 

Related posts:

Who Do You Call? Close Your Eyes Your Name is Written on His Palms

Let me share my journey to motherhood. As a young girl at the age of 15, I started to have lots of female problems and complications. I had four surgeries by the age of 22, and the doctors found cervical cancer by the age of 23. For years I was told it was highly unlikely I would ever have children ……. BUT GOD!!!!

I had an intense desire to be a mom more than words can describe. So, I began to quote Mark 11:24 daily and stand on God’s word. I had a wonderful christian woman who prayed with me regularly. One day when I was still in high school, she shared a vision that God gave her. She told me to stop worrying and trust God with all my heart because He had a beautiful son He would send. Soon after that she also said that the little boy would have a little brother, and they would be like John and James in the bible. It was like God immediately spoke peace to the storm raging within my hear

t. So even when the devil tried to throw a monkey wrench into my life, I trusted that He had it all under control.

Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. ~ Mark 11:24

Well, fast forward to the depths of motherhood, and you would find two great boys that God blessed me with just as He promised many years before. The reality is that I have been far from perfect as a mother. I have made lots of mistakes on this journey. The biggest mistake was running from God for many years and not having a Godly home and marriage.

Admitting that is so embarrassing, after seeing how mightily God moved in my life time and time again. However, part of me was confused, upset, and even angry because my youngest son had numerous medical and special needs. I had a hard time taking him to church. I didn’t feel like I could leave him with others because they didn’t understand him. You could have described me as a “helicopter” mom.

My husband and I dealt with parenting very differently. He pretended the problems didn’t exist, and I was fighting to find answers and get our son the help he needed. Unfortunately, neither of us turned to God. So our boys also witnessed an unhealthy marriage and divided parents.

Thankfully in 2008 I ran back to Jesus, and He welcomed me with open arms. Soon after, I began to think about the legacy I would leave my children. At one point, my boys probably would have said I kept a clean house or I worked really hard at my job. Well, I realized that those things were not what I wanted them to remember. Most of all I wanted them to remember they were raised in a Godly home with a mother that loved them and Jesus with her whole heart. So, I quickly began to re-prioritize things.

You see, at this point in my life I don’t care if the house is perfect or about my “to-do list”. I want to spend as much time as I can loving my boys, sharing the love of Jesus with them, making wonderful family memories, and teaching them to become mighty men of God. That is the legacy that I aspire to leave my boys. It is also important to note that although my boys are growing up in a single parent home right now, they are not from a “broken home” because God has mended our home with His love. It is built on His SOLID rock.

What legacy will you leave your children?

We’re linking up with Becoming His Eve, Marriage Mondays, Matrimonial Monday, Time Warp Wife, The Life of a Not So Ordinary Wife,  The Better Mom, Marriage Moment, Messy Marriage, Wifey Wednesday, and No Ordinary Blog Hop!

Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God’s truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support! 

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I Was That Prodigal Wife Learning the Hard Way Really, God?

The limo service was arranged by one of his daughters who was flying him out to stay with her. I remember speaking with her, she was very pleasant and you could tell she was one of those people who was just brought up right. I pulled up to the house at 6 AM and there Joe was sitting in his lawn chair out in the driveway. As I put his luggage in the trunk, I heard him say “What kind of car is this? The passenger’s seat is missing.” Reluctantly, he got in the back but moved all the way up to the window in the divider so we could talk.

I learned that this was Joe’s first year without his bride of 60+ years and his children kept flying him out to stay with them but never would allow him to drive to the airport alone. I told him how pleasant his one daughter was on the phone, and he me asked if I had any children. At that time my son was less than a year old, little did I know Joe was about to give me some very wise counsel. He told me all his children were the way they were because they had their mom around.

He told me never to forget that you can never substitute a mother’s love with anything, and that one of the reasons  society is the way it is now is because mothers are forced out of the house to work. He told me he worked two jobs to provide for his family, but his laboring allowed his wife to be at home to care for the children.

“The Scripture is clear that a married woman’s life and ministry are to be centered in her home. This is not to suggest that it is necessarily wrong for a wife and mother to have a job outside her home—unless that job in any way competes and diminishes her effectiveness in fulfilling her primary calling at home. Further, it is important for women to evaluate their reasons for working outside their home and to identify any deception behind those reasons.” (Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free)

To my wife Nikki and all the other mothers in our society that have been forced to work outside of the home, I am sorry we got ourselves into this mess. We have driven you away from the very nature of your design by our Creator. You feel that you have to compete with men at work to prove yourself and when you get home your husbands and children require the love that only you can provide. You have got to be exhausted from being torn and pulled in so many directions. It is no wonder that half of all first time marriages end in divorce with this broken guidance.

Paul has not given women a lesser role in Titus 2:5 as keepers of the house, housewives, or whatever your translations says, even though this contradicts what society says. Instead he acknowledges in verse 4 the most important thing is love. Two cars, a nice house with all the furnishings, smartphones, and a five star daycare was never meant to be a substitute. Your love as a mother cannot be replaced by anything!

Thank you Lord, for Joe, and for bringing to my memory the words You gave him. Lord, help us men to be more patient and supportive of our wives and to always remember how important their love is for our children. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!

We’re linking up with Becoming His Eve, Marriage Mondays, Matrimonial Monday, Time Warp Wife, The Life of a Not So Ordinary Wife,  The Better Mom, Marriage Moment, Messy Marriage, Wifey Wednesday, and No Ordinary Blog Hop!

Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God’s truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support! 

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Take a Stand Be Still and Know Bound, Broken, and Delivered

I remember walking into mom’s room and seeing her disfigured swollen face, the tubes protruding from her mouth, and most notably all the bandages. Our family was told that she had cracked ribs and severe vertebrae damage, major lacerations on her face and forehead and had severed her lips and tongue. Only days after being admitted, she had stopped breathing, her body weak and fighting for life.

It was the announcement we all had feared, “Code Blue Third floor, Code Blue Third Floor!”  Some will say it is just plain irony, I will tell you it was the very anointed plan of GOD, that the very first nurse to respond  to the call from my mother’s room to resuscitate and bring her back to life would one day become, my mother in law…

I have always been drawn to the love story of Ruth and Naomi. In all honesty, I am blessed in that I have shared a very similar relationship with my mother in law. I can’t help but giggle as I recall the midnight hour Black Friday shopping excursions, the “all nighter” home renovation projects, and the countless times I have sneakily crammed my size eight feet and stretched  her nearly  200 pairs of size seven shoes and slipped them back into the closet. Yet, I have also seen her uncontrollable tears as she stood by the grave of her young son who was accidentally electrocuted, her courageous battle with breast cancer,  witnessed her hushed prayers at the altar for a husband who was fighting pancreatic cancer and I have seen her relentless hours as a caregiver to my husband’s grandparents before they passed away.

Several years ago, I saw her stand by a son as his wife walked out on him. I remember seeing the tears stream down her face as we stood there under the car port.  Heartbroken, full of questions, filled with worry for her son, and a face full of hurt , she looked at me and with her voice breaking she asked, “Do you realize what you are doing? Have you thought this through? Bev, he wants his family back, he loves you.” She proceeded to tell me how her marriage had fought some very tough battles of her own, but never once had she walked away.  Her words stung, were full of conviction and I selfishly refused to listen.

For months she cared for my husband who was battling depression from the separation,  and yet she never once stopped praying or stopped loving me. You see she practiced the many traits of a godly mother. She realized she would face problems, and as a godly woman her first response was to pray. Things didn’t look good and at times felt like they were out of control, but she was confident in God and trusted his word. In the end, she was sure to give HIM all the glory and praise for working everything together for His glory and the good of those who love Him.

I like to  picture her in my mind out in the field working, her frosted hair pulled back to reveal the wrinkles and the tired eyes from the sleepless nights, then she sees me driving up Westwood drive,  she throws her hands up  to the sky and shouts out “Praise the Lord!” I can hear her yelling out to the neighbors, somebody  go and grab my son, prepare the fatted calf, my prodigal daughter in law is coming home. You see just like Ruth, my story had reached its beautiful day of redemption.

To My Mother In Law:

It was a little over two years ago that you stood on the promises of God and your faith never wavered. There were friends, family and even those in the church  who said, it’s not worth it. Give up on her and move on. Yet you prayed even harder, refusing to allow Satan to have victory in your family. I want to say thank you for praying that hedge of protection and for standing firm. Thank you for forgiving me and loving me unconditionally. Because of your love and the beautiful redemption of Christ, I to will be able to leave with my children the legacy of a godly mother. 

  Happy Mothers Day!   Love, Bev

 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.  -Proverbs 31:10

We’re linking up with Becoming His Eve, Marriage Mondays, Yes They Are All Ours, Matrimonial Monday, Time Warp Wife, The Life of a Not So Ordinary Wife,  The Better Mom, Marriage Moment, Messy Marriage, Wifey Wednesday, and No Ordinary Blog Hop!

Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God’s truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support! 

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The weeds got me thinking about the Parable of the Weeds in Matthew 13.

What if Jesus was speaking to a group of married people and, if so, how does this relate to marriage?

Matthew 13:24 Jesus said “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.”

Jesus was not speaking of a physical “sleep”, but about the spiritual slumber that most of us walk in. So many of us are busy being part of this world (working, shopping, cooking meals or raising children) that we forget to spend time with Jesus. As Mark and I lived in this world with all of its demands, we fell into a deep spiritual slumber and the enemy was ready to show up. He first planted seeds of discontentment and selfishness, but they quickly grew into monster sized weeds; alcoholism and adultery.

Our field, first seeded with Love, was invaded by weeds while we were sleeping!

In Matthew 13:28, we read:   “An enemy did this,” he replied.

The servants asked him, “Do you want us to go and pull them up?”

“No,” he answered, “because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.”

Too often, you remain oblivious to the weeds until they have invaded your field and they begin to choke out the love. In response, you quickly begin pulling them out. You pull and pull at them! You dig and dig to get to the root! You just want them gone, but is this what Jesus would tell us to do?

Clearly not! He explains that the wheat (love) and the weeds grow intertwined with each other, and in your efforts, you are pulling out more than the weeds. Often, your attempts to “de-weed” your marriage are stripping your field of wheat (love) and before you know it, your field is completely empty!

What is the answer for a marriage filled with weeds, according to Jesus? I don’t have the exact answer and I can’t speak specifically to your marriage or situation but here are a few pointers pulled from the pages of Matthew…..

#1 Grow. Your love and the weeds must be allowed to “grow” together! This is necessary to avoid pulling out that which is good in your marriage. You will have to stay focused on the love not the weeds and God will require your complete commitment to His plan for the harvest!

#2  Time. Jesus determines the time for your harvest. Your job is to continue caring for the field, despite the weeds. Continue treating your spouse as God expects….with love and respect.

#3 Until. To allow both the weeds and the love to grow, side by side, you must believe what Jesus said …. His words were “until the harvest” Not maybe, not possibly, but UNTIL! It is only a matter of time before HE will call for your harvest!

#4 Expect hard work. Jesus tells us that the path leading to the harvest is paved an additional step. You have to deal with the weeds first! This step will be more about dealing with your own weeds and building your own faith than correcting your spouse’s habits. Your spouse will be traveling on their path and in time, they will have to deal with their own weeds!!

#5 Then. Only after you have you have put in the time and energy caring for the field, having waited on Jesus and are finished putting the weeds at the foot of the cross, do you get to bring your harvest into His barns.

For me and my marriage, Jesus called in the harvester once I was finished dealing with my biggest weed -my desire to control every aspect of my life. As I was working with God, God was working on Mark.

We’re linking up with Becoming His Eve, Marriage Mondays, Yes They Are All Ours, Matrimonial Monday, Time Warp Wife, The Life of a Not So Ordinary Wife,  The Better Mom, Marriage Moment, Messy Marriage, Wifey Wednesday, and No Ordinary Blog Hop!

Intentionally Yours is a 501(c)3 (pending) organization committed to sharing God’s truth, hope and vision for marriage until every home is a godly home. Will you partner with us in this mission? Thank you for your support! 

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